“I Hurt Myself Today, To See If I Still Feel” – Hurt (Johnny Cash)

I hurt myself today. As of right now, I can feel my reality slipping away. I can feel my consciousness evaporating into the atmosphere. Slowly. I’m losing my mind. It’s getting dark. So very dark. And cold. The mist is thickening and I’m trapped in the cemetery. She won’t stop staring at me. The ghost of the girl I once was.

I hate her.

“I hurt myself today. To see if I still feel. I focus on the pain. The only thing that’s real.”

I Hurt

21 thoughts on ““I Hurt Myself Today, To See If I Still Feel” – Hurt (Johnny Cash)

  1. Oh my Jess hang on. It’s funny how before I “met” people from this community, I read the posts with intrigue. Now I find myself so worried about you and always hoping a new post will be one which speaks of the ups rather than the downs. I’m waiting for you. xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I posted this on your other post… But I’ll put it here too…

    Been thinking about you all day… Wish I could offer you my shoulder to cry on – bundle you up in a little blankie, make you a yummy hot chocolate (with marshmallows), and watch silly, funny movies together.

    You’re wonderful, and your beautiful heart is evident in the pain you feel right now xoxoxox

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Pdoc says PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program) is best for me. It’s a form of intensive outpatient care but it’s all day M-F. I don’t have to stay overnight but they need to monitor me during the day so I’m not alone. Been having thoughts of hurting myself. Cut my wrist last night. Been rapid cycling/mixed agitation and depression. Going on disability leave from work to rest.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I really relate to this, thank you for posting at such a difficult time for you, I hope you will make it through, I know the pain all too well. Lots of hugs for you Jess xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Look at these amazing comments of support – people care about you, myself included! I wrote back to you on my blog, just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you and I hope you update us soon about your evaluation etc. XOXOXO

    Liked by 1 person

      1. OMG – I get it. I’m so beyond fucking wiped out right now, although I know you’re going through sheer hell and I don’t mean to dump on you – I bring that up just because please, never, ever feel like you have to reply to anything I write in a good way!!!!! I take what I can get, girlfriend! 😉

        btw- just retweeted your latest post. I’m lazy with retweets as you know, especially over the past few weeks as I was pondering about de-twittering altogether – anyway, I often just RT posts &I don’t do nice intros but hopefully I can change my wicked ways!!!! take care, sweetie, and I’ll be thinking of you too!

        Liked by 1 person

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