I’m So Terribly Sorry

Hello everyone. I’m on my phone writing this post even though I absolutely hate the dynamics of the WP mobile editor because I need to get this out as soon as I can.

I’m so very sorry about this mess. This while thing got blown way out of proportion. I wasn’t trying to start a war. I was trying raise awareness about a blog post I found offensive. In this post I tried to reason with a man that I thought was being ignorant and malicious. My heart broke when I read his post and what made it worse was the response I got when I tried to reach out to him.

But Jesus I didn’t want the man to be bullied! Jason is a funny and compassionate guy who has helped thousands of people dying to get their blog post recognized to give them networking opportunities. That’s something that has helped me tremendously and I’d be lying if I didn’t owe a lot of my recognition to his blog.

I just reacted to what he said and it triggered me. Period. I’m sorry if that makes me hypersensitive. But regardless, my feelings and struggles are valid. Everyone’s is!

A lot of people recently let me in on his internal struggles and how he also been suffering. If I did anything to further damage that I’m truly very sorry. I would never purposely trigger someone because I know what that dark pit feels like when someone pushes you in it.

Being bipolar is hard enough as it is without trivializing our experiences. For those of you who read bipolar blogs or know friends or family with nipolar, you know all too well it’s a grueling life or death battle. Every. Single. Day. Everyday we deal with the demons in our head and things like that are very triggering.

Please believe me that I only wanted bipolars to stand up and not be trivialized. Whether or not that was his intent is something that I didn’t catch.

I lost my temper last night and decided to blog while angry. A huge mistake I hope to never do again.

I’m going to leave my post up the way it is. Everything I felt last night is what I felt and I am allowed to write what I want one my blog. Same to OM. He can write whatever he wants and like me don’t read it if you don’t want to.

I’d like to thank ALL of you who commented with such thoughtful positive feedback as well as you who felt comfortable to express your neutrality or disagreement. I don’t turn away comments.

Please please feel free to let me know if what I say is triggering or offensive. I promise I’ll go back and edit and change things.

Please forgive me for the clusterfuck.

I know that won’t stop the traffic because it’s already out there. But maybe I can do some good.

Jason if you are listening, please know I have and still respect you. Your words were taken to heart but that doesn’t mean you aren’t an admirable individual with a caring heart. Thank you for all your help and the help you give others.

 

Sincerely,

Jess

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37 thoughts on “I’m So Terribly Sorry

      1. No way, girl. No way – you didn’t ruin anything. Please don’t rake yourself over the coals anymore – you only have good intentions, you’re a wonderful person, and this post makes that astoundingly clear. XOXO

        Liked by 3 people

      2. No one can ruin his blog. His theme is unapologetic offense. And that’s what he does. And as a theme it invites a hoard of people who like to watch it. It’s a show. The only reason I’m posting this comment is because I don’t think that those of us who are actively working to manage pain and stigma need more of it.

        You can’t ruin a blog with as many followers as his has. Controversy helps it.

        Liked by 2 people

  1. I’m glad you found compassion in your heart for this person because I cannot. What happened last time (before you brought this to light) showed me that he is not a good person. I don’t care if he has moments of goodness, if he’s helped people gain followers, or if he has a problem himself. Having a problem doesn’t give anyone a pass to be an asshole. And unfortunately that’s always been my experience with this blogger.

    I would never go to his blog to say what I think of him and I didn’t leave a reblog of your post with my comment for that very reason. What pisses me off about this is that you have to apologize for a very valid emotion that was triggered by his careless, poor word choices (which he uses more often than not) but he can’t even apologize for his because his pride is too big and it’s more important for him to keep up his opinionated theme than admit he was a terrible wordsmith. It happened last time too. It happens every time. To ignore a consistently shitty behavior just because he can be nice sometimes and promotes people is precisely why he remains so big and the cycle of stigma which he periodically goes on won’t end.

    I’m sorry that even though you had every right to be upset, it turns out you have to be the one to apologize. I hope he gets the help he needs, if he needs it and that he recovers, but the way I see it here is a bad personality. And that’s not something we can excuse by hypothesizing a mental illness. Feel free to delete this comment if you want, since it tarnishes your apology, but I had to get my feelings out because 12 hours later and I’m still raging pissed that he’s going to get a free pass of forgiveness just because he may have the very disorder he mocked. Just no. No way.

    Liked by 7 people

    1. Zoe I honestly really appreciate your comment. I believe people can comment and say whatever they like on my blog as long as it’s not hurtful. So I don’t delete comments. Yours makes me feel like I’m justified and that I didn’t do anything wrong. I apologize because it’s my nature and I think everyone, including him, deserves peace and happiness. While I know that wasn’t my intent last night, it hit me today that he is a person with struggles. I’m not sorry for my original post but I’m sorry it caused this war. Thank you so much for your support. My husband really appreciates your comments and agrees 100%. You’re an awesome person Zoe. Glad I bumped into you!

      Liked by 3 people

      1. I just didn’t want to cause you any grief with my comments; I know it may seem like I’m harsh sometimes. I’ve been in your shoes, so I understand feeling like you started a fire. I’m with you 100% and will look forward to reading more about you. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This is my take, now that I’ve actually read the journal entry that launched a thousand comments. Zoe’s wrath is not unmerited. Sorry, but if you have 40,000 followers, you invite criticism and scorn when you deliberately mock an already marginalized cluster of your audience. And certainly it was deliberate. I’m a dude, I know exactly what his mood was: Omg these bipolarrrs, I’m crazy too and have SO many many thoughts racing and rushing about but Baby Jesus on a horse carrying a pumpkin (that was for you, Jean;), I don’t make such a fuss, I take it like a man, damn. Simple male condescension. A common enough thing, to be sure, but if you poke the hornet’s nest, you will prob get stung. Also I read the comments his post attracted and didn’t see anybody bullying him. I mean, you and Dyane and Tess were very mild indeed, sweet angels of reason. Maybe I missed the bullying. I did myself say he had a flyspeck brain on your post but whatever, it was 3am and I’d never heard of him and he hurt Tribe. However, I will amend my bullying, if that is the right word, to: He has a mind, and 40,000 followers, and maybe pay attention to language and not deliberately alienate people who read you and think you’re a decent and caring man. Unless you really think we are an amusing folk with our gripes and grimaces. In which case: mission accomplished. Shrug.

    Liked by 7 people

    1. Baby Jesus on a horse carrying a pumpkin – a new one to add to my collection, big thumbs up for that.

      Jess, I really admire you for standing up for what you believed in – after all as you say – our blogs are our own and the only place we can spew out words of misery/hurt/anger etc.

      I honestly don’t feel this guy deserves an apology though, after how he handled the ‘criticism’, how he couldn’t possibly see it from our point of view “hold on a minute, my wording choice MIGHT have caused an outrage, maybe I should say sorry for upsetting those people and check my words and re think.” That would be the decent thing to do really. I love your blog Jess and how you stand up for the voice of the tribe.

      Hugs

      Liked by 5 people

      1. I’m just drained and overwhelmed. Mostly by good people like you who defend me. I hate that this started a war. I just wanted to rant and rave on my blog like he did. We say what we want and how we feel. It’s our space.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I feel you, we all gotta stick together and I think this really proved how strongly we all feel about this shit too! This will blow over.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m not sure if Zoe was directing part of her comment at what I wrote over at OM, and I mean no disrespect to her, but there was no hypothesizing as far as I was concerned about Jason – if someone tells me they he can’t sleep, has racing thoughts, and many of those thoughts are of the unthinkable type, there’s obviously a problem that rings out to me that it’s probably BIPOLAR. Jason is only 35 – my bipolar didn’t get triggered until 37, and sleep deprivation was a large part of that.

    It’s obvious he needs help! I can forgive someone writing under the influence of untreated/undiagnosed mental illness – I had to do that with my Dad, I had to do that with myself. Maybe since I’m the parent of a child struggling with some heavy shit right now, I have more compassion for people these days.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I don’t feel disrespected by your comment at all and I’m glad there will be people with him. However this isn’t my first rodeo with this person. He’s been making rounds offending people left and right for the 12 months I have been here on WP blogging. And when he has been very politely and maturely called on it he always does this. He justifies himself, never says he’s sorry, and has even used his influence (though not by being obvious or direct) to make others feel bad for calling him out on what he always claims is freedom of artistic expression.

      We were all ignorant of our mental illness once but that doesn’t mean we can get away with hurting others. I’ve said my fair share of horrible things in bipolar anger, once on my blog, and I too offended others. The mature and correct thing is to step back and see how people feel. Even if it wasn’t my intention to hurt others, I did so I apologized. I also made amends to the post that offended others to better illustrate the message I was attempting to convey. There’s absolutely no excuse for him to not apologize. And this isn’t the first time I have seen him offend others and get away with it.

      I don’t allow myself to get away with it; I won’t make that exception for others either. If this had been my first time seeing this behavior I would have been on your side of compassion, but it’s not the first time and it won’t be the first time. His offending language and carelessness, in my opinion, have nothing to do with a possible diagnosis and everything to do with pride. Those who know me know I stick with my tribe and do anything for them, but not when it’s about pride.

      Liked by 5 people

      1. Hi Zoe, thanks for being understanding – I’m relieved! I’m very impressed that you apologized to people after writing a post that offended people – that takes guts.

        Well, this was my 1st time with something triggering on Jason’s blog. Because I don’t know him IRL I know it sounds presumptuous to say, “Hey, you have bipolar!” But my gut has been right with other people who I never met in real life. (And no, I’m not psychic! Never have been and never would want to be!)

        I think that many of his followers are enabling him…he is not doing well, from what you wrote it’s a repeat problem and while yes, pride is in there big-time, I think he needs help more urgently than anyone realizes.

        I asked him to apologize because, as Tessa wrote, he crossed the line – he has a lot of followers with bipolar and some of his most loyal fans wrote about their disappointment, feeling offended, etc. I could go on and on. I apologize for this ramble; I’m totally stressed out.

        To end on a brighter note, I’m so glad you stick with your tribe!!! That’s what blogging is all about to me. I am loyal to those bloggers who speak to me (Blahpolar, anyone? Jess???) and that’s where I need to focus now more than ever. Thanks again for writing and for being kind & encouraging!!!!
        take care of you…..Dy

        Liked by 4 people

      2. I really admire you for trying to help him. I know denial well and the terror that comes with the possibility that “I may have a mental illness.” I hope your patience and words get to him because we both know what can happen when we leave bipolar disorder untreated. This is why I find your compassion so inspiring.

        Liked by 4 people

      3. My head just blew up – :)) there’s no need to admire me! I’m a dork. But I have to tell you, I surprised myself last night! I usually just rage and that’s it, I call it a day, you know? Well, I raged at first last night and thought that was that. Then I felt differently after re-reading the post. Who knows? Anyway, as long as I remain in Blahpolar’s good graces, I’m a happy camper…for the most part! She’s cheeky, that one.

        XO Fryane

        Liked by 4 people

      4. TOTALLY! I *am* Fryane!Yes, please call me that from now on.

        It really is perfect for me because I love Stephen Fry AND I got my brain “fried” having lots of ECT, so it’s a double entendre if you will. (I had a great ECT experience; I just like to poke fun at it, and Blahpolar is down with that noise!)

        Liked by 3 people

      5. I rarely read comments but I was drawn into this. I absolutely agree with you. Having a mental illness is not a liscence to do and say what you please. I have DID and work overtime to be as consistent and as considerate as I can be. I take responsibility when an alternate behaves badly and never use ‘forgetting” as an excuse. I admire the courage of your stance.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. HI Jess

    First I wanted to check you were ok? Secondly I think it was incrediably brave for you to post your original post on it. While I did disagree with you, you stood up for what you believed in and the fact you have apologised (where I personally don’t think you did anything wrong) shows what a strong and amazing person you are.

    And if you were not aware OM has done an apology post

    Liked by 3 people

    1. He apologized? No. I’ve been avoiding his site because I’m afraid I’m going to trigger myself again. Thank you very much for the kind words. I welcome all opinions on my blog as long as they are not malicious. I felt the need to apologize for the firestorm. Should’ve been more clear about NOT going to his page and bombarding him. I meant we as a community needed to have this discussion and voice our opinions. Whatever. Control is an illusion. Currently I’m OK. Mentally exhausted. Was afraid he’d do something like dedicate a bashing post about me. Hopefully this is over.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. He has indeed, you are not responsible for the fact that other people went onto his site and were rude to him, that is on them. You disagreed with his choice of words and wrote about it, thats what we do, we see something, maybe it makes us angry, sad, happy and we blog about it

        Liked by 2 people

  5. Mmm. I don’t follow his blog. Anyone with that many followers makes me suspicious. I’ve read it a few times. He’s not written anything that makes me WANT to follow him. And Zoe’s description…*shakes head* It doesn’t sound good, and if he makes one person feel this way, he probably sets a lot more off who say nothing at all.

    I understand why you apologized. You didn’t need to; you didn’t bash him. You wrote about your reactions on your blog.

    Hope this all blows over for you soon. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  6. This is an extraordinary post. Jason is an excellent blogger and role model for many people. I know that when I first started blogging I paid close attention to him. I still use many of the pointers he gave. We find our own way based on
    the unique strengths and limitations that we bring to our blogs. You are quite right about not blogging while angry.

    But this is such a heartfelt apology I really don’t know how anyone can read it and not understand that you made a mistake. We all have a right to make a mistake, and we earn that right when we can face the fact of it and offer our sincere regrets over it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t regret the post neither did I consider it a mistake. This firestorm has run its course and now that it’s been settled I’ve learned not to blog while angry so as not to mislead people. As many have said in agreement woth me, this wasnt an apology for the post since I have a right to feel as I wish. I simply felt bad for the blog traffic he incurred despite the fact that it may have been detrimental to him. I wish him nothing but the best of luck but as he has said we blog how we choose and he and I have already moves passed it.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Well I love you Jess, all of you. So whether you spoke out in anger or now feel badly, both are okay. Plus being bipolar does cause extreme moods. You get to feel this way. This post was classy. It’s nice that you took the time to write it, but I’m with Andrew on this, buddy from that other blog that shall remain as nameless as Lord Voldemort, is going to profit from the time you took to take a stand against the stigma. You’re my hero.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow Sandra. I have way too little self-esteem to accept being anyone’s hero. I always say I’m the antihero. Hopefully I can be a good example and inspire people to speak up for what they believe in. Your comment brings me a sense of purpose and it’s because of you and Andrew and everyone who stood by my side that I feel like I can keep fighting for myself and others. You are a dear friend to me. I’m so thankful for you as a friend. It warms my heart whenever I see a notification from you. You are a doll and I wish you nothing but peace and joy.

      Like

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