“This Girl Is On Fire!”

Ready. Set. Sail!

Last night was it. I ended it with Mark. Permanently.

Blocked. Erased. Reset. Deleted. Uninstalled.

Every trace of him.

Husband took over my accounts. Changed my passwords. Deleted Mark’s contact info. Blocked his phone number. Uninstalled my apps.

And I gave him the green light. He did it within a heartbeat. Apparently he was ready for it. You should’ve seen the look on his face!

…then I drank. And drank. Cried and drank. He’s gone for good now. Starting the New Year out on a clean slate. Yet I’m still manic and hypersexual. The Fire I used to fuel my sexual desires is now burning every inch of my body. Scorching fucking hot! I can feel it peeling and charring my skin, my eyes, my heart. The Smoke is choking my lungs; making me weak. I can hardly breath. Hot burning tears run down my cheeks…

..and then I woke up this morning. New Year’s Eve…and I realized something…

…Mark can go fuck himself.

Seriously, that’s not a request. Mark can go shove his head up his ass and fuck himself.

That asshole, dick-faced, stupid, misogynistic, shitty, foul, womanizing son-of-a-bitch cockgoblin (Thanks Stephanie!) can go to town on himself and I’ll sit here and laugh.

No I didn’t say goodbye. He didn’t deserve it and I didn’t care to do it. He made fun of tribe in a conversation yesterday morning. It was so mind-blowingly stupid that I can’t remember the exact phrase I must’ve blocked it out. Something along the lines of “You think because you have a mental illness you have the same disability rights as someone who is actually disabled?”

Zoe try not to pop a blood vessel.

In any case I didn’t want 2016 to start out with him in it. I really really didn’t. So I ended it. Left the Snake’s Den unannounced. On my way out of The Forbidden Forest back to the Trail of Stability. Not that I’m Stable or anything but I’m making my way back. The Fire hurts but like I say all the time you have the power to fight back. It’ll hurt like a motherfucker…and it does…but that doesn’t mean you can’t fight back. I can feel my armor melting into my skin but I’m not going back. I refuse.

My mind is still racing so this post is taking a while. Sorry if it’s still scatterbrained.

In honor of “cleaning house” I’m looking back on this year and wondering. I’m a HUGE musical junkie! So really. Being serious but quoting Rent. 525,600 minutes in the course of a year. How do you measure a year in a life? I agree with them that you measure in love. I loved my husband to death this year. I have for almost 12 years. He is my all and I just couldn’t watch him suffer anymore. So I used my love for him to make the final decision to cut off the Snake.

Because I’m a sexy ass motherfucker and I stand by my convictions. I’m strong. Andrew told me to jettison the self-hate talk so I’m stopping. I fought long and hard this year. We ALL did. And that’s something to be proud of. We all make mistakes. “I have miles to go before I sleep.” I’m not going to let other people’s opinions of me color me anymore. At least I’m going to try.

You can push me. Yell at me. Kick me. Spit in my face. But I’ll find a way to get back up again. I. Will. Get. Back. Up. What doesn’t kill me only makes me that much stronger!

This girl is on fire!

alicia-girl-on-fire-music-video-inferno-remix-mx-nicki-minaj (1)

And has a motherfucking chainsaw!! You heard me? A MOTHERFUCKING CHAINSAW!!!

DON’T FUCK WITH ME!

I have a lot more to say but I’ll keep this post short today.

I’ll end with a stream of obscenities. Just in case Mark ever stumbles on The Bipolar Compass:

“FUCK YOU DUDE!!! FUCK YOU!!! COCKSUCKER!!! STUPID FUCKING BASTARD!! PIECE OF SHIT!!! Honestly! You turned out to be BEST thing I NEVER had!!!”

Now here are 3 awesome songs that have been on blast on my playlist. (Make sure to at least check out the last one or the post title won’t make much sense!).

Take care tribe and friends/family of tribe.

See you in 2016!

I can’t believe I ever stayed up writing songs about you
You don’t deserve to know the way I used to think about you
Oh no not anymore, oh no not anymore
You had your shot, had your shot, but you let go

Now if we meet out on the street I won’t be running scared
I’ll walk right up to you and PUT ONE FINGER IN THE AIR
And make you understand, and make you understand
You had your chance, had your chance

But even if the stars and moon collide
I NEVER WANT YOU BACK INTO MY LIFE
You can take your words and ALL YOUR LIES
Oh oh oh I really don’t care

So sad, you’re hurt
Boo hoo, oh, did you expect me to care
YOU DON’T DESERVE MY TEARS
I guess that’s why they ain’t there
When I think that there was a time that I almost loved you
You showed your ASS and baby yes I SAW THE REAL YOU!

Thank God you blew it
I thank God I dodged the bullet
I’m so over you
Baby good lookin’ out

I wanted you bad
I’m so through with that
Cause honestly you turned out to be the (BEST THING I NEVER HAD)
I said, you turned out to be the (BEST THING I NEVER HAD)
And I’ll never be the (BEST THING I NEVER HAD)
Oh baby I bet sucks to be you right now

Last but CERTAINLY not least…my sista’ from anotha mista. Another half-Jamaican goddess…Alicia Keys.

Looks like a girl, but she’s a FLAME
So bright, she can burn your eyes
Better look the other way
You can try but YOU’LL NEVER FORGET HER NAME
She’s on top of the world
HOTTEST of the hottest girls say
Oh, we got our feet on the ground
And we’re burning it down
Oh, got our head in the clouds
And we’re not coming down
This girl is on fire
This girl is on fire
She’s walking on fire

This girl is on fire


35 thoughts on ““This Girl Is On Fire!”

  1. First off — go you! Not because I judged you or anything but because you wanted to end it and even in the mania you did! That’s just a huge accomplishment.

    Second — middle finger torpedoes on Mark’s head. He’s just like most “normal” people. So we can use him in the zombie apocalypse as a shield? Your call. I have another one to add to our collection of human shields!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Middle finger torpedoes is awesome!!!😂 please do! He has a pretty broad chest from playing football in high school so he would be a perfect human shield! I’ll call Morgue so I can get some Stab-O-Matics to keep the stupid fucker subdued at all times.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Whoop whoop!!! So proud of you!

    Starting 2016 on a good note! It’s raining buckets here on New Years Day, but it feels cleansing. Wishing you and your hubby an awesome 2016 ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m SO SO SO GLAD to read this, and SO proud of you! And hey – I have a new word for my vocabulary that I LOVE: cockgoblin! 😉 (Thanks to you friend.)

    But back to you, really – this post gives me great hope that we CAN change for the better; you’ve totally fired ME up! Super-proud of you and happy for your husband too – he sounds like an amazing person. You both are.

    LOVE-LOVE-LOVE & HUMONGOUS CONGRATS!
    Dyane

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Stephanie came up with that one and many other useful words in her post I linked. Cockgoblin seemed appropriate for a guy like him. My husband is an amazingly understanding man. I have no idea how I got so lucky. I really hated doing all this to him so I just made the decision to stop. It still hurts but I’m working on ways to get this sexual energy out safely. Thanks for supporting me as much as you do!! You have no idea how badly I need it. I’d be devastated if I ever disappointed you. Love you SO SO MUCH!!!😄

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The only way you’ll disappoint me is if you stop blogging, tweeting, retweeting (ha ha, right?) and always writing comments of wonderful appreciation, empathy and support!!!!

        It WILL get better, girl! It will, please believe me, from your loving, ancient crone of a devoted fan:

        the one & only FRYANE! ;)))))

        (We can’t all be like the brilliant Stephen Fry, but at least we can combine his last name with ours 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  5. This is wonderful news. 🙂 I’m so glad your husband has stood by you through all of this, and I’m proud of you for making the right decision to end it with Mark. It’s tough! It’s not easy giving up a relationship, whether it’s something serious or purely sexual. You ARE strong. Keep up the good fight!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My God thank you! This was a very thoughtful and FAST comment. It’s so good to hear support thank you. You really just improved my mood. Not condoning what I did but really need to hear that I’m not a bad person. Life is tough. Great to meet you.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. What a story you’ve written. Look at all these engaged readers! Did you intentionally use the title from Hunger Games, Girl on Fire?
    I know Seb Dani, Robert Goldstein, Maja, and Danny Ray. I met you on his site. Congratulations on being his featured blogger. I was his featured blogger too.
    Perhaps you’ll check out my site too if you could use a blogging tip or two. That is what I write about.
    Janice

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Janice. I did use your site and subscribed but I didn’t get any emails or confirmation or anything. I’d love to network with you. Girl on Fire comes from the song at the bottom of the post. Alicia Keys is amazing.

      Like

      1. Thank you for trying. I never got notice. Could you please try again? I would help, but unless you comment on my site, I can’t see your email.
        Please try again, and I will tell you when I get the notification.
        Thanks Janice

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Please check your Email for an activation link. That could be why I never received notice the first time, and you never received any Emails. Please check your Email for the activation link. It should be right on top since you just subscribed.
        Janice

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey no worries. Not much new. Trying desperately to fight these urges and let them out in a safe and mutually agreed upon manner. It’s so hard. I’m just looking at men like pieces of meat. But I’m resisting and doing my best in the bedroom to quell the storm. It’s dying so I’m just waiting it out until I see my pdoc next week. Thank you so much for asking. You’re the only person who asks me how I’m doing btw. It’s so kind and makes me feel important.

        Liked by 1 person

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