Ready. Set. Sail!
Lord God Almighty!! What the fuck am I doing with my life??!!? Like for real. What is the meaning of all this?!
As you have probably figured out…I’m bored. Therefore this entire post is going to be complete and utter shit…so don’t bother reading this whole thing if you don’t want to. I won’t judge you….maybe…hmmm…nah…I won’t judge you.
The layoff has really hit me really hard in my salty sweaty donkey balls (I’m a girl I don’t have balls FYI) and I’m stuck in limbo. Looking for jobs that’ll tolerate my mental malfunction is going to be hard if not impossible. Overwhelming anxiety and fear have paralyzed me from making my first move. To be honest, I’m not sure if I CAN go back to work. My mind was already deteriorating over the past few months. A giant crater blew my brain open and it’s taking months to fill. And quite honestly I’m just over everything. In general. No motivation to do anything whatsoever. Except blog of course but they pay you very little to do that. If anything.
Oh God why can’t I be living in Paris and write like Hemingway??!?! THAT’S THE DREAM!!! And to think no more than a year ago I would’ve rather had my face torn apart with a dirty rusty chainsaw then be a writer. Life is fucking weird. I also said I’d never be a teacher. Ha! Let’s see where that one goes.
Yeah I’m kinda hypo…and on a LOT of caffeine!! Yippe-kay-yeah motherfucker!
Please God give me some mania. Not a lot. Just some. So I can roll around in the grass and stare at flowers and think it’s the Goddamn greatest thing on the planet. Or run through water fountains and have that one cop tell me to leave:
“Ma’am for the last God damn time…get out of the water fountain!”
“No! Make me copper! Hahahaha! Squeal for me piggy!”
“I’ll make you squeal you asshole! You’re scaring the children!”
“They need to know the truth. We are ALL going to die when I let all the giraffes out of their pens. You’ll see. Giraffacolypse is nigh!! Sweet baby Jesus!”
Screaming bloody murder at the top of my lungs, I race over to the pen where all the giraffes are hanging out.
“You’re free my pets!”
“Nemo me impune lacessit (the Latin motto of the Royal Stuart dynasty of Scotland from at least the reign of James VI when it appeared on the reverse side of merk coins minted in 1578 and 1580. It loosely translates to No one provokes me with impunity)!!” chant the giraffes with their glowing blood red eyes.
And then 3 cops arrest me and take me away to jail. Then my husband comes to bail me out and shakes his head. “Honey not this again! Stop it with those poor giraffes!”
Pshhhhh…Oh God. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!?!? I’ve lost it. I have cabin fucking fever and I’ve officially lost all my marbles. Go away!
Yeesh…some people’s kids.