Ready. Set. Sail!
Fuck this Goddamn “holiday.” I’m pissed off and upset and triggered and whatever the fuck you want to call it. I hate my stupid parents. Why in God’s name do they still bother me?!? I’ve had it up to HERE with their nonsense and bullshit. I’m on a damn rampage and people better get out of my way.
Bipolar has me in a chokehold right now and I’m trying very hard to catch my breath. I feel defeated and I don’t know how to get out of it’s tight grip. Somebody please take a steel crowbar and bash the fucker’s skull in and save me from this wretched existence!
My dad just now decided to send me an email today saying that he asked my mom to remarry him and they have set a date for July 11. For a split second my heart jumped out of my chest. I felt so happy and relieved because they had such a nasty divorce and really tore each other apart at the seams. And now I thought that the nightmares I keep having of them dragging me and my little brother through the dirt and claiming sides would finally be over. And the memories I keep having of the childhood I never got, because ALL they fucking did my entire life was fight and fight and take out their anger on me by verbally abusing me and calling me names. The day my dad looked me in the eyes and said he wish he never had a daughter. My mom and her distance. Maybe for one second that was going to be repaired and this family could start anew. Spending time together. Going on trips we had always planned to do but never had the money. Maybe then I’d stop dreaming of us all being together as a family and waking up sobbing because that event never happened….
…no. All I got was an April’s Fools and a Spongebob Squarepants joke…because my feelings on this don’t matter.
I’m sick and tired and exhausted and over life. I’m done. Life is overrated. And no I’m not suicidal. I just wish I could just mentally check myself out of the Life’s a Bitch Hotel and not have to come back. I don’t tip the damn bell boy because he is a prick out to get me. The staff is a bunch of assholes. And the manager is a rude fucker with his dick in his hands all the time.
Yeah I’m being crude but am I allowed to be? Yes. This is the last damn straw and I’m just over this week. I’m over this month. I’m over this year. I’m over my life.
I’m done. Fuck every Goddamn bastard and all their fancy-ass horses they rode in on. I’ll show them when I take my fucking chainsaw to their horses and carve them to pieces right in front of their eyes.
Who’s laughing now, dickhead?
All that aside, I’m allowed to feel how I feel about this. Overreaction or not bipolar had made me a sensitive bitch and I’m on my period and I want to murder a room full of white fluffy bunnies. Rev up the chainsaw and go to town.
Happy Easter Motherfuckers!