Ready. Set. Sail!
Here I am again…for the 500th time this week. Sorry I’ve been giving you guys so much reading material. Fuck! You think I’d learn to shut up!
I feel so hollow. So damn lonely and sad. I wanna scream but I don’t have the energy. I’m lifeless and cold. A cloud of darkness looms inside my head. I feel nothing.
I should be happy. Why aren’t I happy? Things are going so well, and with yesterday’s news, I should be jumping out of my seat.
But I’m not. I’m in bed crying. Covered in tears. The Fog rolled in and it covers me in it’s cold embrace. It tells me I’m a failure. No one loves me. My friends and family don’t really care that much about me.
What if I’m kidding myself? What if I really am worthless? I don’t know why I waste my time with trying to blog. I fucking suck at it. People don’t want to know the real me. Who am I anyways?
And I suck as a wife. I feel like I’m a waste of space.
Don’t any of you pretend you even care! I know you don’t. This whole fucking blog is useless! Why the fuck do you guys even care?!? HUH?? I’m nobody. Nobody! Just another spec in the sand. I’m going to wither and die and no one will care. No one. That’s how important I am to the fabric of existence. You guys will forget me and move on. And there is no person on this planet that cares less about me than I do.
And this isn’t a cry for help. This isn’t “let’s all rally together to help Jess because she is a fucking mess right now.” That’s not what this is. This is me realizing the truth. That I’m worthless. That God put me on this earth to show how far his cruelty extends. To make an example of an innocent girl who wanted nothing more than to grow up and be happy.
But she’s dead. And I don’t know if I want to revive her.
I’m sorry you wasted your time listening to me.
Fucking leave me alone.