BpHope Post #8

Ready. Set. Sail!

Hey everyone. Just saw my pdoc and got my meds upped. Feeling really low. Lots of high levels of anxiety…

I sat in the car today, dressed up in my cute little pink skirt and black blouse. Hair and makeup done up. I parked it in the garage and closed myself inside. There was silence and complete darkness. I was alone. I turned the ignition on and let it run. Hot tears streaming down my face I sobbed loudly to myself. Hoping someone would hear me. I wanted to end it. I was tired of fighting. Then something stopped me. I opened the garage door and got out of the car. I went upstairs to my room. I passed out.

Here I am now. I hope that things will get better because I feel like a failure. I wrote this latest post with those feelings in mind. Let me know what you think:

http://www.bphope.com/blog/depression-three-things-you-can-do-to-fight-back/

 


13 thoughts on “BpHope Post #8

  1. OMG. Would you pls take it easy on yourself or Pls pls go a little easier on yourself . You saw my video where I talked of similar distress (sorry I’m so ugly by the way!!)
    You’re a fantastic lady. You have so much going for you. You have a great ability to right, you have great insight. You’re attractive. You’re very intelligent.
    I’ll tweet you as I need to make sure you’re OK and have a thought or two.
    Jess, breathe slowly
    Aidan.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re not ugly. I’ve been fighting some pretty serious demons lately and I really just wanted the pain to stop. I realize it makes no sense after watching your videos. I really have these extremely high expectations of myself. When I don’t meet them, I figure I must be a loser. I’ll try and be more proactive in calling and messaging people. Thank you so much for offering to help me. I think I might take you up on it soon.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey Jess, I am so glad you are still here. I want you to be safe honey and upping your meds will help you. Just know we are here for you, you are never alone. You are special to all who know you, I wish you could feel it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m SOOOOOO glad you upped your meds.
    I’ll go comment at BP!
    You are *anything* but a failure, but I understand that feeling all too well.
    You’re amazing, resilient, beautiful, hilarious, sexy, arachnophobic (ha ha!) and so many other wonderful things. Hope you’re feeling okay/better tonight. Love you! 💕

    Liked by 1 person

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