Feeding The Fire: Out Of The Frying Pan…

Ready. Set. Sail!

(Mania Trigger warning! Explicit sexual content!)

I’m not doing so good right now. I’m really fucking manic. I’ve been manic for about a week or so now and it’s been really taking me out of focus with reality. My brain is going so fast I feel like I can’t keep a string of two related sentences together. I’m trying to lie down but my mind is wide awake. I’m tired and restless. I wake up at odd hours. But there is one thing I love.

I feel fucking high. I have so much energy. I feel so confident. I’m alluring and fun and cute and I really think everyone is noticing me. Mania is the fucking best! Oh man and I’m hypersexual too.

So I’ve been chatting with this guy online…let’s call him Peter. Peter is cute (German background — blonde hair, hazel eyes) tall, like 6′ 3″, and super sweet. Unlike Mark though, he isn’t as aggressive. Thankfully. But I hate the fact that he is married. And has a 2.5 year old son.

God! This whole post is going to get me in so much trouble! Sorry everyone!

I’m not trying to be a homewrecker. I’m really not! I just can’t stop myself. I started chatting because I was bored and now I can’t physically stop myself. I try. Every time I try. It’s compulsive. Everytime I get a message from him my hand immediately goes to the phone to answer. That’s when I get that sweet rush. Fire courses through my veins and releases that intoxicating feeling of satisfaction. And I crave it and I keep doing it. I’m not kidding when I say I need it. I NEED IT. It feels so good.

But I feel like I can handle it this time. I know I said that last time but this time is different. This isn’t Mark. This guys isn’t nearly as persuasive. So I’m just going to play the game just a little longer then I’ll stop and get help.

I think the 1000mg of Depakote hasn’t kicked in yet. That and I’m down to about 25 mg Lamictal now. Hmmmm…..oh man my brain is on fire. God I feel so fucking good!! But tired.

Oh man what was I saying. Oh yeah. I want this guy. Like badly. He says he can do anything in the world I want. He wants to fuck me hard and long. He says he’d spread my legs wide open and shove his tongue all the way inside. That he’d kiss every inch of me and touch and lick my most sensitive areas. He is even going to buy me a Michael Kors purse! Holy shit! I already have one but whatever. Like, I’ve heard of guys doing that but fuck. I don’t want to take his money though. That’s wrong. Well it’s all wrong.

I can just imagine the whole thing…

They sit facing each other; staring deeply into each other’s eyes. Hearts begin to race and pupils dilate. Her throat tightens as she takes a small gulp out of nervousness. He leans forward and whispers in her ear, “I’ve been craving you so badly it hurts. I’ve never felt this much sexual tension from anyone. I want to get lost in lust with you make you cum over and over again.”

He rests his hands on her legs and begins slowly moving up her thighs kissing her neck as he goes.

“You drive me fucking crazy. You’ve been on my mind constantly. All I want to do is give you the pleasure you so desperately deserve.”

He reaches his hands down her panties and begins rubbing.

“Mmmmmfff….you’re so fucking wet. God you make me so hard. You’re fucking mine! You hear me? I want all of your body. I’m going to be the one to give you everything you desire. Fuck! Be a good girl for me.”

Oh man. This is getting a little intense. I better stop.

Sorry I got really carried away really fucking fast!! I’m fine though. I’ll be fine. I’m just needing this and it feels so good and I can’t stop right now. It won’t lead anywhere. We are just talking. So that’s what’s up.

In case you were wondering. Man I need a cold shower!


17 thoughts on “Feeding The Fire: Out Of The Frying Pan…

  1. Hi Jess,

    I’m sorry you’re struggling right now. I know it feels incredible, but I am here to talk if you need. I remember going through this with you in the winter, when I was in your place and you were talking me down. I support you no matter what.

    Much Love

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am good! I have been exhausted and at 8 months pregnant that’s certainly expected. But I’m going down to only 19 hours a week at work now so I should have a lot more energy for blogging. I am desperately trying to figure out how to make money as a writer!

    I would love to talk to you more and help you out. I’ll check our other messaging medium if you want to go back to that 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I was in a similar spot a few years back except we were having sex. I kept saying that I wasn’t the one cheating on someone. I made no obligations. A friend told me to keep doing it until it no longer feels right anymore. Somehow, for some reason, that worked. I stopped seeing the guy two days later (had to get a couple of fucks in first, right?) You know the mania will pass and this will with it. Just hang tight

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s the first time I’ve ever heard of that before. Interesting advice your friend gave you. Something to think about. Yeah the mania will pass. Trying to ride out the storm in my head while it rages. Thanks for your support Brad! HUGS!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Cute, but trite, Polaroid comment. Her courage, sacrifice, and communication skills are leading the fight and are poised to make a difference…let’s not minimize her leadership and effort. Just saying=)

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Wow, powerful. The raw candor of your post, style of delivery, you have no idea how much this is helping our tribe…from people who stumble on and peruse a single post, trolls and haters, fans and all of “us” You are making a difference in this world and you’ve found a way to transform your pain and suffering, trial and tribulation, into a wonderful opportunity to shed light on this affliction and your work I’m convinced is making an impact and some of us as I take comfort in the fact that we are not alone in this thing I call Slow Motion Suicide. Your courage and conviction is an element of what we need to find a cure; which is not likely to be targeted mess/chemical. In the absence of an extinction ion event, mankind will satisfactorily resolve this disorder. Please don’t quit this blog, your post and arrivals…because I can’t think of a single thing of greater importance.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yanno what ? I’m a strong person for worldly fucking things but maybe for some such things my heart is really small like a piece of sand . This one really fucking hit me hard , I’m really sorry for the spot you’re upto rn . But wait , have you ever thought what does hope means ? Leme tell you Hold On Pain Ends . I know it’s so easy to say ( oh my dear you got yourself just have patience and all that ) but what you’re feeling is only within you . Despite , I’ll still say a fact . You’ve got my sympathies dude but still just think for a while , there are 7 billion out there and struggling their battles and nothing lasts forever . Yup , it hurts rn but trust me you’ll be the one after sometime looking back to it and smiling ( woah! I did it ) . Trust in yourself , and remember you’re better than a lot . There are so many people who are going through the worse dude , no shelter no food , no companions . So you gotta be thankful and Mark my words you’ll be good soon . You might not get but no one can feel this better than me . Just hold on and yeah .
    *Hugs*

    Like

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