Ready. Set. Sail!
Hi. I think I’m starting to get depressed. I’m stuck inside my apartment with all the windows shut and blinds closed while lying in bed. I think my last burst of mania finally ran out and now I’m coming down. It sucks because my husband is out of town on a business trip this week and I’m here by myself.
So an update on him, for those of you who don’t know my husband has cancer. He found a lump next to his left testicle a few weeks ago that wouldn’t go away so he decided to check it out. Turns out after having an ultrasound, CT scan, X-ray scan, several blood work, etc. they declared it to be cancer and he now officially has to have his left testicle removed completely BEFORE they do the biopsy to see if it has spread. Apparently, there is a risk for it spreading if they do it the other way around. So he has his surgery scheduled for right when he gets back from his trip. With that, he will need to take 1-4 weeks off of work to recover.
That is going to be really impossible since we are in a tight pinch already with me not having a job that him taking unpaid time off work will really hurt us. Like, a lot. So I don’t know what to do. Money is tight and we don’t even know how much the surgery is going to cost. Ughhhhh….medical bills…can someone just put a bullet in me right now?
Things are looking down.
Sorry it’s all bad news but this is the kinda stuff that makes my anxiety go up. I really want to just crawl in a hole and avoid all the things that make me sad but I feel like I can’t.
Why does life have to be so cruel? What am I doing wrong, huh? It’s not fair! I’m honestly trying to get a job and pay the bills so my husband can rest from his surgery! The fuck are we supposed to do?!? Make him work post-surgery?!?!?
Hey Life, I’ve done everything you asked me to do! I went to college. Got a good degree. Got a job. Got married to a wonderful man….why do you keep kicking me in the nuts every time things are going well (no pun intended for my poor husband’s gonads)?!?!?
This whole fucking thing is bullshit. I’m honestly scared about the future.
Cancer sucks. Bipolar sucks. Life sucks.