Ready. Set. Sail!
Hey there everyone. I’m coming to you live from my cat dander filled bed to bring you some good news and some not so good news.
Remember I said that I was going through some stuff but wasn’t prepared to tell all? Well now that I’m in more of a stable mindset, I’m ready to talk. And it’s some juicy gossip. So pull up a chair and a nice glass of wine and get comfortable. OK. Here goes:
I talked to the Snake again….(boo! No Jess! Why?!? Are you insane!??! Seriously, AGAIN?!?)
Yeah…yeah…yeah…I know. I know! 5 months of no contact shattered in one night because I was out drinking with my girls Nancy and Furiosa and decided it made sense. Ughhhh…I’m really fucking hopeless. Here is what happened.
So I decided, in my drunken manic stupor, that a quick, “Hey how are you doing. Saw someone who reminded me of you the other day and just wanted to know how things are going?” was a good idea…
…Ha! Fuck me! Fuck me in the ass….he wasn’t pleased. He ignored me for a full day then sent me this:
S: “Ughh…you left on some pretty harsh terms talking all this shit about me.”
JM: “Yeah well I just wanted to see how things were going and if you’re doing OK.”
S: “I’m doing fine.”
JM: “Oh good. That’s good.”
S: “What do you want from me?”
JM: “I just wanted to see how you were.”
S: “What are you doing right now?”
JM: “Watching TV with my husband.”
S: “So not busy then? You’re free?”
JM: “No that’s not what I said.”
S: “I wanna taste you and have you suck my cock.”
JM: “Hey Mark. Not now. I know you’re still angry. Talk to me.”
S: “I don’t wanna talk. I wanna taste you. I could use the release.”
JM: “Mark. I’m not meeting up with you until you talk to me. I know you’re angry.”
What followed later that night was an extremely emotionally charged conversation over Skype about how Mark was upset that I pushed him away and got rid of him. I told him I was sorry and that I didn’t mean any of what I said. With anger in his voice, he said that he has zero emotion and zero remorse left for me. I asked him if that meant he had feelings for me beforehand. He said he didn’t want to talk about it.
A couple days later, I send him a heartfelt apology for what I said and that I didn’t mean to hurt him. He says basically he doesn’t care about me anymore and that he actually has a girl now.
JM: “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier? I’m not going to meet up with you if you have someone. Your girl can go suck your cock.”
S: “Yup she can. And she can deep throat.”
JM: “Go FUCK yourself!”
S: “Nah. Don’t want to.”
Ewwww….I was so enraged by that response I felt like choking the life out of him. I still do. Grab him by the throat and strangle every last breath out of his body. We basically stopped talking and haven’t spoken since Wednesday. I don’t want to have anything to do with him and he doesn’t either. Looks like my plan to piss him off worked a little too well.
So there are a few things me and my bestie Nancy have gathered from this incident:
- He had feelings for me (probably pretty strong ones).
- He got over me these past few months but is angry that I’m back in his life right after he got over me.
- I (unfortunately) have feelings for him
The worst part is #3. Oh my God I can’t believe it!!! This asshole takes over my fucking brain. This half-witted douchebag mouthbreather is still rolling around in my head.
Believe me tribe when I tell you that I DID NOT plan on getting attached to this asswipe. Not ever. Not in the slightest. I was manic and feeding my mania last year and got caught up in some bad decisions. I fought back against the mania to get back to my marriage. Even though I failed several times, I was still able to go back to try and fix my marriage.
The thought of me actually caring for this guy is so upsetting. I hate to say it but when he told me he had a girl…I fucking teared up. For the past week, I’ve been going in and out of crying for this guy. Part of me wishes I had never talked to him. Part of me wishes I could just see him one more time. Now that the mania is dead, I’m back to carrying on with my life.
This is a very vulnerable side of me I’m showing right now and I’m scared you guys are going to judge me for it. Look, I know it’s stupid that I cry for him. I know that. I can’t help it.
Honestly, the best thing for me to do is move on. Put him in my past. Cause there is no future for us. He basically told me that we could’ve kept the affair going the whole time and I had no reason to get rid of him. Part of me is desperately dying for it again. The thrill and the craving. The passion and the lust. But I need to make a choice. And that choice is to stay with my husband.
So good news is…it’s officially (FINALLY) over…bad news is…Jess is slightly “heartbroken.” Live and learn, huh?
So here lies the last post about Mark “The Snake.” He was a Class A Douchebag Womanizer Player Who Tried To Steal My Heart And Left Me Feeling Heartbroken. Rest In Pieces and sit and stew in my hatred you MEAN FUCK! I hope I never hear from you again.