Ready. Set. Sail!
So…here we are. I guess I have some explaining to do don’t I? I bet you’re wondering where in fuck’s name I’ve been. Well to be completely honest, I’ve been hiding.
I’ve been hiding from myself.
I’ve been hiding from you guys.
I’ve been hiding from life in general.
I decided last month that I was tired of fighting the Mania and decided to give in. Now there is a whole story here so you might want to pull up a chair and buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy ride. For those of you who get squeamish easily…why the fuck are you on my blog!?!?!? Shoo! Shoo!
OK there we go. Time to start the fun:
Remember when I said I felt like I was trapped again in the Forbidden Forest? Well I’m still there, and the whole Forest is completely on fire. Hot, burning flames lick the sides of my cheeks as I make my way through the trees. I am engulfed in it. Lost and unable to find my way back to the Trail of Stability. I’m so deep in these woods this time. I’m not sure if I can make it out let alone survive the trip.
You see, things between my husband and I went sour in December. Since the surgery for his cancer, his levels of testosterone have fallen dramatically. So much so that it’s rare for him to…er..um..*cough cough* “get it up.” With that, combined with the slowly increasing Mania on my end, let’s just say we were fighting over sex a lot. At one point, I decided that he should open the marriage up because if he couldn’t be there for me intimately, that I should be allowed to find it somewhere else. To my surprise, he reluctantly agreed.
With this, I was allowed to online chat and meet up as long as no sex was involved. It seemed fair so we both agreed, although I knew that he wasn’t going to be happy about it. Regardless, I decided to contact Mark (ewwwwww……boooo) because…eh…and convenience and all that jazz.
For those of you who are new (which is a lot of you apparently WTF I’m gone for a couple months and now I have all these new followers!!!) I suggest looking up some of my old posts for context.
Like this one!
So anyways, Mark contacted me a few times but every time I got close to meeting with him, I chickened out. I’d either say I’m on my period or I’m sick or something. I just couldn’t get myself to do it. Meanwhile the Mania kept building and building and the more manic I got, the more hypersexual I became. Eventually I caved in and said yes.
We decided to meet up on a cold rainy night after I received a torrent of messages saying how much he misses me and wants me and blah blah blah. What I didn’t expect was how much he has changed since the last time we met up. And I’m not talking about looks, although he did lose a lot of excess weight and gained some muscle, I mean personality. There was something off about him that I couldn’t quite place. He was quiet and aloof. He seemed distant.
Jess: “Hey sorry. There was a lot of traffic and people driving like 65 mph on the highway! Ugghh. How are you?”
Mark: “Meh. Horny.”
Jess: “You’re always horny.”
Mark: “Come here.”
I leaned in to kiss him thinking that he wanted me to make the first move. Without any warning, Mark pushes me up against the door, hand gripping my throat tightly and whispers in my ear, “You’re mine, you hear me? You’re MY little married slut.”
Panicked and shaking, I tried with both hands to pull his hand away from my neck but I wasn’t strong enough. Luckily he let go. Unfortunately, it doesn’t end there.
To be continued…