March Update – Sex, Religion, & Bipolar

Ready. Set. Sail!

Good afternoon everyone! I just wanted to post a quick update here to kinda go over what’s been going on in my head/life. I was going to post something here in February to address the previous post but I got what seemed to be a sort of stomach flu. It lasted for about two weeks and I hated it and yeah. So, sorry. Anyways, here are some things I’d like to say:

First off, I’m feeling much better. The whole incident with Mark opened my eyes (again!) to the true nature of his character. I really didn’t like how rough he was with me the last time we met up. Luckily, Nancy was there the next freakin’ day to pick up the pieces!! (Love you Nancy!). It really rubbed me the wrong way and I feel like he doesn’t actually respect me as a person. To those of you who are SCREAMING at your screens “I TOLD YOU SO!” I’m sorry it took me so long to come around. It’s sort of like the analogy of putting a frog in a pot of water and slowly increasing the heat until it boils to death. I just happened to notice the temperature difference really late.

In terms of the way I “feel”, obviously the attraction is still very strong.  But just because I think something, doesn’t mean I have to act on it. So I’ll make sure to routinely go back in my archives and reread how I feel about all this and try to keep things in perspective.

Second, I’ve come to terms with my place in the universe. I did some “soul-searching” and discovered that I no longer ascribe to the idea of a god or gods and I feel like that is freeing for me. I rarely, if ever, get religious or political on my blog, but I have been having some doubts over the past couple years and I wanted to mark this occasion so I can look back and see where in my life this happened. That’s all. If you want to know more about my perspective, we can discuss it offline. Otherwise, that’s all I wanted to say.

Last, I just wanted to address some of the people who have been emailing me about bipolar hypersexuality. I’m very sorry that I’m not an expert of any kind and your situations are difficult. I wish I could do something to help. Sexual addiction or compulsion is something that is so poorly categorized and understood that there seems to be dozens if not hundreds of different factors that cause it. Some people argue that it doesn’t exist or that it’s a symptom of another underlying issue. The point is: don’t worry so much about the labeling. I find that labeling makes things easier but that’s not always the case. If you or your partner are experiencing symptoms of sexual compulsion, bipolar or not, please seek professional attention immediately. And DON’T GIVE UP!!

For me, since I was raised in a fundamentalist conservative Orthodox Presbyterian household, suppressing my sexual nature was common and it was considered a sin for me to have these natural urges. I honestly think that’s where my obsession with sex today comes from but I have no way of knowing that for certain.

Anyways, I hope that gives you guys a clear picture of what’s up. I am am getting hypomanic but I have an appointment with my pdoc next week so hopefully I’ll cut this off at the pass. I don’t plan on seeing Mark and neither do I want to but I’m starting to dream about him again so that’s the first sign and I’m going to remain hyper vigilant!

Take care everyone!

22 thoughts on “March Update – Sex, Religion, & Bipolar

  1. First off…the idgets who say bipolar hypersexuality isn’t legit…need to be Z-Whacked. I only ever cheated on anyone in my first marriage when my ass trash shrink declared me dysthymic and fed me anti depressants thus making me,…more manic and hypersexual. For some, meds help, for others, it does not. It is VERY real.

    Another thing…thanks for the title of this post. Reminds me of an old metal Vai album called Sex and Religion. I think I may just have to rock out some of my anger issues. I mean, not that I have anger issues cos I am so medicated and big pharma cures all…
    Of, EFF it. Ya know what I mean. Love ya, girl! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Morgue!! You always get it. Yeah the more I read into hypersexuality, the more depressed I get and frustrated. It IS very real. Hopefully there will be a way to get rid of it. Otherwise we are on our own. The Lithium seems to help a lot but not 100%. Oh well. Go rock out. I’m headed over to your blog to catch up!😉


    2. Hypersexuality has been a part of my life since puberty. (That was in the 1950 s. There has been recurring guilt, fleeing from one religious belief system( Catholicism), becoming a Protestant, but guilt continues. This remains an issue today for me, but I seem to have reframed it into something manageable at the moment. I am a regular attendee at the current Protestant services which I am involved in. There continues to be a max intellectual effort for me to bring biblical concepts into line with the realities of current relationship. Another observation I’ve made is that this so-called hypersexuality,for me,resulted in chronic recurrent flirting& several affairs which proved fatal to a relationship. It’s an ongoing problem,which I find manageable now(after decades of having it. Best of luck in your quest to manage your problem.


  2. Oh, girl, I grew up Catholic so I can totally relate to the “suppress your urges and feel shame that you even considered having them” tenets of religion. Once I moved past that, I had some wild child days that were definitely related to having been repressed for so long. These days I am pretty agnostic; there’s probably a higher power out there but I don’t have any desire to deal with organized religion. Sometimes you just have to toss out the values/religion/morality/etc that you were raised with and decide what you actually believe.

    Also, no one should make you feel bad about the Mark stuff. I spent an embarrassingly long time entwined with my ex, even after he got married. And then one day I realized he didn’t treat me well and he didn’t add any value to my life. I deserved to be loved by someone better. And I was really better off without any contact of any kind. It was so freeing to let go of the drama and the heartache. Sure, I’d like to have come to that realization several years before that, but it took as long as it took and I can’t change that. I found out a few months ago that he’s divorced now and with all of the drama of my husband’s bipolar, I was so tempted to dip my toes back into that pool and just chat with him via email. Comfort of the familiar, yeah? But then I remembered how every positive interaction with him comes with 100 negative ones. It wasn’t worth the momentary comfort to find myself tangled in a bad situation.

    Stay strong, sister!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my God. This comment is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. When you mention that for every positive interaction there are 100 negative ones; I jumped out of my seat. It’s so true and I need to keep that in mind. Yeah organized religion has done so much psychological damage to me I don’t want to have anything at all to do with it anymore. From now on, I’m standing on my own two feet! Love you and take care! Hugs!!


  3. As a spouse of someone that is bipolar, hypersexaulity is one of the more difficult concepts for me to understand. It is something that has reared its ugly head in the past but also something we have dealt with through continual communication and understanding of expectations.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I think the big thing is that as long as both of you care for each other, want to address it and communicate – well, that is all we can do right?!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Jess,
    I stumbled upon your blog and have found it incredibly honest; moving and uplifting. Although i don’t have hypersexuality, my bipolar gives me fluctuating highs and lows. I can only feel the turmoil you go through when you write about your experiences.
    Thank you for your honesty and sharing your personal side of your bipolar with us.

    ☺ Tracy

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Glad to see you are back and doing better – being sick sucks! Sometimes the only way to learn something is the hard way even if it takes multiple times. You won’t be alone in that boat either 😉 Hopefully your hypomanic state is under control!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I love how real you are with your blogs, this one in particular. I enjoy following your journey, as well as your advice. Thank you for the light giggles and late night thoughts!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Jess,
    I have been living thru the Hell you have describe as the Loving 10 year Husband to a Bipolar 2 Spouse. We are in our early 50’s and have a blended family of 5 kids 15-23. I am a Pharma Rep and my wife is an RN. We live a wonderful blessed life with beach vacations and weekends at our lake home as well as snow skiing etc. We are well to do and need for nothing. We have a very satisfying Sex Life and enjoy each other 4-5 times weekly. We have been very happy until appx 3 years ago. My wife was diagnosed Bipolar 2 20 years ago and has been doing well with abilify lamictal etc. Unfortunately her marriage back then didn’t survive her initial Hypomanic episode which resulted in short term affairs and a big time spending spree. We met and I was warned of her condition yet to be clear I was very naive as to the power of Bipolar. We dated 3 years and then married with only one incident while dating. I caught her sexting her then Dr. Boss while drunk, but she discontinued contact and we lived happily for appx 7 years. I, We, never truly really realized the potential problems casual Alcohol use and Phenteremine could cause and amplify with her Bipolar 2. Long story short Our fun drunken Adult weekends at the lake led to an inappropriate relationship between my wife and her friends husband. Just flirting at first then sexting, followed by plans to hook up in a hotel behind me and his wife’s back. I caught them making plans before they actually hooked up. She was obviously in a Hypomania and I felt lucky to have stopped it. I confronted the Man physically and she confessed to his wife. It was a horrible eye opener to the power of bipolar 2 Hypomania. We explained my wife’s hypomania and her Bipolar 2 and asked this couple to understand and gained their support in helping us avoid future issues. We reduced alcohol use but not completely but we unfortunately did not discontinue the Phenterimine my wife used as an appetite suppressant. We did well, I thought, … a year later (2 years ago) my wife ran into her Old Dr. Boss(same one from 10 years earlier) on a flight. They began texting again and made plans to hook up. They began a sexual affair which took place monthly when I would travel out of town two nights a month for work. This lasted as basically a monthly appointment for almost a year. It ended when his wife caught mine texting him nude photos and notified me. We were both devastated. This affair took place in MY HOME. We are in counseling monthly, her weekly. We discontinued Phenteremine and seldom drink. We continue a vibrant sex Life and are trying to move forward. Given our supposed healthy happy life, How could she do this? She says she has always deeply loved me and maintains a strong sexual attraction to me. She says she never ever considered potential consequences. She says the contact with him was a hard to control high. She says she never wanted to hurt me. How could she do this in Our Home??? How can I believe she won’t do it again? I am betrayed, deeply depressed and scared to death about a future relapse. I Love her with all my heart. Any advise or insight would be appreciated.

    JADS…. Just Another Devestated Spouse!


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