Ready. Set. Sail!
Good afternoon everyone! I just wanted to post a quick update here to kinda go over what’s been going on in my head/life. I was going to post something here in February to address the previous post but I got what seemed to be a sort of stomach flu. It lasted for about two weeks and I hated it and yeah. So, sorry. Anyways, here are some things I’d like to say:
First off, I’m feeling much better. The whole incident with Mark opened my eyes (again!) to the true nature of his character. I really didn’t like how rough he was with me the last time we met up. Luckily, Nancy was there the next freakin’ day to pick up the pieces!! (Love you Nancy!). It really rubbed me the wrong way and I feel like he doesn’t actually respect me as a person. To those of you who are SCREAMING at your screens “I TOLD YOU SO!” I’m sorry it took me so long to come around. It’s sort of like the analogy of putting a frog in a pot of water and slowly increasing the heat until it boils to death. I just happened to notice the temperature difference really late.
In terms of the way I “feel”, obviously the attraction is still very strong. But just because I think something, doesn’t mean I have to act on it. So I’ll make sure to routinely go back in my archives and reread how I feel about all this and try to keep things in perspective.
Second, I’ve come to terms with my place in the universe. I did some “soul-searching” and discovered that I no longer ascribe to the idea of a god or gods and I feel like that is freeing for me. I rarely, if ever, get religious or political on my blog, but I have been having some doubts over the past couple years and I wanted to mark this occasion so I can look back and see where in my life this happened. That’s all. If you want to know more about my perspective, we can discuss it offline. Otherwise, that’s all I wanted to say.
Last, I just wanted to address some of the people who have been emailing me about bipolar hypersexuality. I’m very sorry that I’m not an expert of any kind and your situations are difficult. I wish I could do something to help. Sexual addiction or compulsion is something that is so poorly categorized and understood that there seems to be dozens if not hundreds of different factors that cause it. Some people argue that it doesn’t exist or that it’s a symptom of another underlying issue. The point is: don’t worry so much about the labeling. I find that labeling makes things easier but that’s not always the case. If you or your partner are experiencing symptoms of sexual compulsion, bipolar or not, please seek professional attention immediately. And DON’T GIVE UP!!
For me, since I was raised in a fundamentalist conservative Orthodox Presbyterian household, suppressing my sexual nature was common and it was considered a sin for me to have these natural urges. I honestly think that’s where my obsession with sex today comes from but I have no way of knowing that for certain.
Anyways, I hope that gives you guys a clear picture of what’s up. I am am getting hypomanic but I have an appointment with my pdoc next week so hopefully I’ll cut this off at the pass. I don’t plan on seeing Mark and neither do I want to but I’m starting to dream about him again so that’s the first sign and I’m going to remain hyper vigilant!
Take care everyone!