To describe it as torture would be an understatement.
It’s mental anguish.
That worm that digs and digs into your skull, trying to make it’s way in. It’s taking over my brain again.
I can feel it.
Twisting and turning inside my head. It’s almost painful. I’m grinding my teeth just to distract from the racing thoughts in my brain. And I try to reason with it. The devil. The Snake. But it’s no use.
I’m trying you guys. Maybe I just need to give in. It seems pointless to resist if it always wins. It feels hopeless.
Mania is washing over me.
Sorry I don’t have any concrete news to share. Right now I’m doing intensive outpatient therapy. It works for depression.
But it doesn’t seem to work for Mania. Nobody seems to know what to do about it.
You can talk someone up from a Depression but how do you talk someone down from a Mania?
That’s the Holy Grail, isn’t it? Meds seem to be the only thing that works.
Good. So why didn’t I get meds?
Because my current pdoc is too afraid to think outside the box for fear of repercussions than actually help me.
I told him I was manic. I did. I flat out said it on Wednesday. What was his response?
“Let’s wait it out and see what happens. Maybe it’ll go away.”
Um…..I think I know my own mind better than you. If I’m mentioning I’m pretty hypo, you better pay attention.
At least I have a second opinion. I have a pdoc on the inside. I can ask to see him Monday.
He’ll do something I know it.
Will it be too late by then?
My husband is out of town next week and the Snake wants to play.
So damn horny I can’t focus.
I think I’ll take a shower.
Sorry I’ve been so distant. These past few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster.
I don’t know what you’ve done to me
But I know this much is true
I wanna do bad things with you