Man. Have things taken a turn for the worse. God I really lost my motivation. And one of my closest friends is in the hospital for trying to OD on his bipolar meds plus some other stuff. I’ve been an emotional wreck. I can’t even write. I don’t know what’s wrong. And the negative comments are starting to get to me. Whatever. I’m still alive and kicking.
I’ll make this short. There are some things that my husband actually wanted to say. I thought that was super sweet. Or maybe not, I don’t know, I haven’t read this or edited it in any way. I’m too afraid to. But I think it’s a cool idea.
So here is my husband’s blog post. If you have any comments or questions for him, leave it down in the section below. He is looking forward to your responses:
So I am not very sure where I am supposed to start to tell you all how I feel given all the things Jess has been through herself and put me through. I guess I will start at the beginning with her first blog post; where she first cheated on me.
With tears in her eyes she came to me telling me the truth. I couldn’t believe what I heard. That she had cheated and had been cheating on me for months. I was furious and left the house immediately with no intention of coming back. What the hell had I done to deserve this level of bullshit from her?
I am far from feeling that way now. Instead it has been replaced with something I do not know really what to call it – maybe distrust, or a feeling of standing on thin ice. For nearly 2 years she had been going back to him due to the mania. For 2 goddamn years I had to endure constant stress and sorrow. I know I always had and still do have the choice to leave her, but I can’t. Not because of the bipolar, need for medication, lack of a job that she lost because of her stupid ass actions. No, it was and is because I love her and don’t want to live my life without her by my side.
And that is the reason I was asked to write this post: for the partners who feel betrayed by their loved ones and want to know how I do it. Honestly, all I can say is that it is because I still love her that I can endure all this bullshit and still stay with her. I am not saying that it is easy now (because Lord almighty it is far from that), but it is better only because during these 2 years in hell have Jess and I become to understand each other more and more through this ordeal.
I am also not saying that is easy either. I still get pissed out of my mind thinking about what she did and although I did forgive her I am not ok in the slightest with what she has done to me and our marriage. I have fits of rage if we get into the slightest benign argument, get jealous of what she and asshole did, doubt my own self–worth, and a slew of other emotions I never would have had if she hadn’t had cheated.
But, even through all that I don’t want to give up on us. Sure it has crossed my mind many many many times. But every time I think about the life I would have without her I can’t go through with it. And, I know that seems like a copout answer but that is what I am going with. So, if you are unfortunately dealing with a similar situation where you are trying to figure out what to do, I would say give yourself time to calm down to where you can think calmly and decide for yourself what is most important to you: the relationship that she/he fucked, or your hurt feelings. Everything else flows from that decision.