Guest Post: Some Words From My Husband

Hey.

Man. Have things taken a turn for the worse. God I really lost my motivation. And one of my closest friends is in the hospital for trying to OD on his bipolar meds plus some other stuff. I’ve been an emotional wreck. I can’t even write. I don’t know what’s wrong. And the negative comments are starting to get to me. Whatever. I’m still alive and kicking.

I’ll make this short. There are some things that my husband actually wanted to say. I thought that was super sweet. Or maybe not, I don’t know, I haven’t read this or edited it in any way. I’m too afraid to. But I think it’s a cool idea.

So here is my husband’s blog post. If you have any comments or questions for him, leave it down in the section below. He is looking forward to your responses:

 

 

So I am not very sure where I am supposed to start to tell you all how I feel given all the things Jess has been through herself and put me through. I guess I will start at the beginning with her first blog post; where she first cheated on me.

With tears in her eyes she came to me telling me the truth. I couldn’t believe what I heard. That she had cheated and had been cheating on me for months. I was furious and left the house immediately with no intention of coming back. What the hell had I done to deserve this level of bullshit from her?

I am far from feeling that way now. Instead it has been replaced with something I do not know really what to call it – maybe distrust, or a feeling of standing on thin ice. For nearly 2 years she had been going back to him due to the mania. For 2 goddamn years I had to endure constant stress and sorrow. I know I always had and still do have the choice to leave her, but I can’t. Not because of the bipolar, need for medication, lack of a job that she lost because of her stupid ass actions. No, it was and is because I love her and don’t want to live my life without her by my side.

And that is the reason I was asked to write this post: for the partners who feel betrayed by their loved ones and want to know how I do it. Honestly, all I can say is that it is because I still love her that I can endure all this bullshit and still stay with her. I am not saying that it is easy now (because Lord almighty it is far from that), but it is better only because during these 2 years in hell have Jess and I become to understand each other more and more through this ordeal.

I am also not saying that is easy either. I still get pissed out of my mind thinking about what she did and although I did forgive her I am not ok in the slightest with what she has done to me and our marriage. I have fits of rage if we get into the slightest benign argument, get jealous of what she and asshole did, doubt my own selfworth, and a slew of other emotions I never would have had if she hadn’t had cheated.

But, even through all that I don’t want to give up on us. Sure it has crossed my mind many many many times. But every time I think about the life I would have without her I can’t go through with it. And, I know that seems like a copout answer but that is what I am going with. So, if you are unfortunately dealing with a similar situation where you are trying to figure out what to do, I would say give yourself time to calm down to where you can think calmly and decide for yourself what is most important to you: the relationship that she/he fucked, or your hurt feelings. Everything else flows from that decision.

 


10 thoughts on “Guest Post: Some Words From My Husband

  1. Wow. Great post. I could have written this entire story myself. Don’t give up on your marriage. It will get easier as time passes to move past your mistakes…years, even. Really looking forward to reading your posts!

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  2. Thank you for sharing, great post. This is really eye-opening, coming from a spouse. It’s hard to imagine the difficulties your marriage has endured. It’s a wonderful testimony to your love.

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  3. God help this poor soul,…we ALL need help,…from time-to-time!!! I’m also bipolar! I mess up, sometimes, as well! Let’s pray for each other, ok, folks?

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  4. I am going through a very similar situation with my wife. You guys are the same age been together 12 years and married 4. My wife cheated on my with her 22 year old co-worker and without a doubt is manic. Unfortunilty she has filed for divorce saying that her feelings for other men or beyond anything she has ever felt for me even though she would say that I am an amazing person. She is moving across the country and out divorce will be final in 30 days. I have tried everything to save my marriage. Including going no contact which she seems to not mind. She says she never thinks about me and is the happiest she has ever been. She has not been diagnosed but her mom is type 1 diagnosed at 28. Which happens to be my wife’s age. I have been told that there is no talking her down and all I can do is let her go. This is the hardest situation I have ever had to go through. If it is true that this repeats than I do think that I could take a lifetime of the abuse. I pray everyday that she comes down and gets help.
    I love her more than anything for so many other amazing parts of her. I sympathize for you as I truly know how you feel. Please email me if you ever want to chat.

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  5. Wishing you both the best and understand the struggles involved with BP as I have lived it too. Jess is worth fighting for and deals with the hell that can come with BP. I know it is very hard for you too and appreciate what you have shared with us. Praying for you both!❤

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  6. Hi Jess, I follow your posts but rarely comment. The comments and support you have via your blog are truly beautiful and no doubt help you in ways only those of us with bipolar can understand. You both as a couple have been through hell and back, and I have nothing but admiration for you and your husband. In fact, I’d be lying if I said I wished I had a partner as understanding and supportive as your husband. I also wish I was as brave as you in voicing not only the good but the bad sides you face in your life.

    What your posts over the last 12 months have shown me is that there are so many good people in the world, and so many that are ready to use those vulnerable to manipulation due to mental illness. Your husband, the epitome of what all mates can aspire to as far as ‘for better or worse, til death do us part’. So many today are looking for the first ‘out’ they can find in a marriage, that the grass is always greener on the other side. As a couple, you clearly work together on if the grass is greener on the other side then water the grass on your side, and for that attitude you can both be commended. As well as your open and frank conversations, as difficult as they maybe.

    Without being a woe me whine, I have bipolar and it is my wife that cheated on me after 15 years of marriage. I was no fun and too hard to live with was her reasoning. Whilst I can understand her reasoning and oh yes, I can be a horrible person who doesn’t know when to shut down and shut up! I didn’t expect her to just walk out one day saying life was easier without me on day when I opened the front door. Now I live alone with my dog and are slowly learning that life by myself is not as bad as I first thought it would be. The Dawg don’t steal the doona to start with!!

    Honestly though, you both have nailed the key to a marriage and for that matter a friendship that works. Open honest converstation and a willingness to forgive and forget. To look past what is the present and to remember what drew you to each other in the first place and focus on those qualities.

    I will continue to follow your blogs and commend those who continue to give you the support and love that we all need. Remaining faithful to your mate is not easy in this modern world, the decks are stacked against you with the proliferation of pornography in everything from internet to tv and a throw away society, even within marriage. As hard as it is, all of us, we need each other, and we need to try and remember that tomorrow, our future is spotless, and our success rate of coping is 100%.

    I wish you the very best, and thank you, for being so open and honest with all of us. For me, I read what you go through and don’t feel quite so alone, quite so bad about myself, and know the struggle I have is not one I face alone.

    xXx

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  7. I’m confused by your post. You talk about what your wife has “done” to you. She appears to be still in a relationship with Mark. It seems like you are ok with her meeting up with him as long as he doesn’t get physical with her. But Mark has made it clear that they will be physical as he forced her to perform oral sex on her this year. And she had continued to vaguely mention him in her blog. Seems like the answer is to just open up the marriage or at the very least partially open up the marriage. It seems like it’s partially open on her side anyway. I think that most of the pain that you have described comes from you living under the veil of monogamy. Accepting that you living in polyandrous relationship might give you the peace you need. You love Jess; so, accept reality and watch your pain melt away.

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  8. Thanks so much for posting and shedding some light from your point of view. When my wife of 26 years first experienced BP last year, I came home from work one day and she informed me she wanted to “be with someone else”. Neither of us understood that she was at the height of mania, only that something was wrong. Through the course of the next couple of weeks, it became clear she’d developed a fixation on another man, but that nothing physical had actually occurred. Not a kiss, or even a hug. Just some eye contact and flirting (which may have only been viewed as flirting in her mind and not his). For me, it was still devastating. She was put in inpatient for a week shortly thereafter as some of the symptoms progressed (extreme paranoia and voices in her head). She was diagnosed as BP. The diagnosis was a relief in some ways… and a curse.

    Through love and understanding, I was able to forgive, and almost trust again. I’ve become a better man.

    She’s medicated now and sees a psychiatrist and psychologist regularly. Her longing for another was a hypersexual reaction from the mania and she no longer has any of those thoughts (thank God). It is year later and there are some small twinges of anxiety, but 99% of all her BP symptoms are not rearing their ugly heads, and she has been deemed stable. Our love is stronger than ever.

    That said, although I love her with all my heart – like no other – and despite the illness, if there had been, or if there ever is, actual physical cheating, the marriage will be over. That would not mean that my love would die, and I would continue to care for her in some ways (financially and surely emotionally), there is no way I could ever tolerate any infidelity by remaining in the marriage. It would be too heart-breaking, maddening, and would result in extreme mental misery. I feel like it would forever make me miserable to stay in that situation, and I owe it to myself to be happy.

    There is more to my story (there always is), but the aforementioned part of the story does not hold a candle to yours. I feel terrible for you and admire your perseverance. Good luck to you both. I hope you are able to move past it permanently.

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  9. I signed up to become a Champion a couple of months back and intend to do as much as I can over the coming years to raise the volume on mental health awareness to try help people like myself get the answers and get them sooner.
    Abbott Laboratories Pharmaceutical company have a team of experts helping patients around the world.Vist abbott to get help for yourself and for your loved ones.you can also send a mail(info.helpcentreabbottinc@gmail.com)

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