Ready. Set. Sail!

So? So what? Nothing. That’s what. Nothing at all. I should be happy.


Well good news, I finished my ECT treatments. And I feel better than ever. Really…average. Normal? I guess. No job unfortunately. I don’t remember if I mentioned that or not. I guess I just wasn’t good enough or whatever. They called my references guys! I thought that means you got the position. How the fuck does that mean, “No thanks?” Why even bother? I mean c’mon. You’re wasting mine and everyone else’s time bY doing that. You bet your ass I’m bitter. This was supposed to be my dream job. I don’t understand if you thought I didn’t have enough experience why interview me in the first place?!?

Fuck. Everything.

Now I’m back to doing nothing all fucking day. Job hunting. It’s a punishment worse than death. The overwhelming blanket of inadequacy strangles the very life out of you. All the while, you pray for death. I hate this existence. I’m not happy. I want a job. I want to feel purpose again. I can’t stand being Home alone with the cat all day long.

So I’m at Balboa Park right now. Google it. Taking pictures and writing. Fuck me!! I wish I could scream!

I’ve said this before but I hate Stable. It’s boring. I feel like I don’t belong on this planet. Where is home? Where can I lay my head to rest and soak in the cool aura of peace. This lady is trying to sell me the Peace of Buddha. $20?! What a scam. Whatever. Someone tell me what to do. I want to work for a biotech company again but I feel like the competition is tremendous. How will I ever pull myself out of this rut. Fuck everyone who stands in my way. You’re no help to anyone.


Let’s see. What else? Oh Idunno. I’m still breathing I guess. I’m healthy. I’m not being eaten alive by anything at the moment. I should be thankful. And yes I know, I should be grateful to not have to work to survive.  I guess.

Kill me.

3 thoughts on “Bored…

  1. Truly sorry the dream job didn’t work out for you, Jess.

    I don’t have any brilliant suggestions but at the risk of insulting platitudes…hang in there. You’ve been through this before and you eventually find your way out and come out better than before so with (boring) stability on your side…it will sort itself out.

    Just enjoy being home with the cat, they are great listeners and purr therapy is wondermous 😉

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Talking to the cat is the hobby! LOL. Well, if you are ever bored and a little lost, feel free to drop by the wordpress blogger community. I write a bi-weekly mental health safe space post, then we have random chat questions we discuss, plus blogger tips to improve site design, content, raise number of followers, properly use tags and such. It truly is a wonderful safe space, especially if you don’t want to make a huge time commitment but occasionally want something to do. It costs nothing and you can follow or sign up to participate. Great group of people.

        Liked by 1 person

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