Ready. Set. Sail!
So? So what? Nothing. That’s what. Nothing at all. I should be happy.
Well good news, I finished my ECT treatments. And I feel better than ever. Really…average. Normal? I guess. No job unfortunately. I don’t remember if I mentioned that or not. I guess I just wasn’t good enough or whatever. They called my references guys! I thought that means you got the position. How the fuck does that mean, “No thanks?” Why even bother? I mean c’mon. You’re wasting mine and everyone else’s time bY doing that. You bet your ass I’m bitter. This was supposed to be my dream job. I don’t understand if you thought I didn’t have enough experience why interview me in the first place?!?
Now I’m back to doing nothing all fucking day. Job hunting. It’s a punishment worse than death. The overwhelming blanket of inadequacy strangles the very life out of you. All the while, you pray for death. I hate this existence. I’m not happy. I want a job. I want to feel purpose again. I can’t stand being Home alone with the cat all day long.
So I’m at Balboa Park right now. Google it. Taking pictures and writing. Fuck me!! I wish I could scream!
I’ve said this before but I hate Stable. It’s boring. I feel like I don’t belong on this planet. Where is home? Where can I lay my head to rest and soak in the cool aura of peace. This lady is trying to sell me the Peace of Buddha. $20?! What a scam. Whatever. Someone tell me what to do. I want to work for a biotech company again but I feel like the competition is tremendous. How will I ever pull myself out of this rut. Fuck everyone who stands in my way. You’re no help to anyone.
Let’s see. What else? Oh Idunno. I’m still breathing I guess. I’m healthy. I’m not being eaten alive by anything at the moment. I should be thankful. And yes I know, I should be grateful to not have to work to survive. I guess.