Fire In My Veins Again




Hey gang. It’s Jess. Back again with another update.

Looks like Paul my brother is doing better. He actually got a pneumonia infection and had to be put on a ventilator for a week but he’s finally out of the ICU and back in a hospital room. It’s good enough. His kidneys are still in need of recovery but that’s unfortunately going to take a while.

So. I’m feeling ok with that. He basically needs time to recover and as much as I wish he was automatically better, that’s not how life works.

Oh well.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, feel free to read my previous post.

This story is about me now.

So…I think I might be getting manic…


Yeah. We’re back to this again. I’m not sleeping at night. And I’ve been having sex dreams frequently. That’s usually the sign of a problem. I probably should tell my pdoc and let him know but I’m waiting to see if this gets better…or worse.

“Oh Jess you’re so bad!! What the FUCK?! You’re supposed to be responsible now. Haven’t you learned ANYTHING?!?!”

I can hear you. I know. Don’t jump to conclusions! I’m fine. Yes fuckface Mark has crossed my mind but that’s a whole other lifetime ago. I’m not going to contact him or anyone else. Don’t get your panties in a knot!!

I’m just here to tell you first-hand what’s up. Yes I’m horny. Yes I can feel the Fire racing through my veins. The anguish and the longing for human touch. The burning desire. I can feel it on my skin. But feeling and doing are two separate things. So hush.

“Jess?!?! Your husband probably wants to bone. Make use of him!!!”

I know. And no he doesn’t. His sex drive is really low right now. So no he doesn’t. I can figure it out on my own. It’s called Pornhub. I’ll be fine.

Yeesh. You guys. It’s fine. Anyways. That’s my update. Let’s chat in the comments. Anybody got any questions?

7 thoughts on “Fire In My Veins Again

  1. Hey Jess, first off I’m glad to hear your brother is doing better. Secondly I would like to say good job for recognizing your sexual manic desires and not acting on it. What do you think triggers it? I always try to figure out what’s throwing me into depression or manic states. Idk why the hell I still try to figure shit out when I know there is no rhyme or reason to it. Anyways maybe you can get you some toys and pleasure yourself or have your husband do it. I know it’s not the same but heck it beats getting yourself into a mess. I myself am going threw it right now too. I left my husband for the 5th time. We are taking a break and dating right now. Things are going well so we shall see what the future holds. Also I wish your blogs were longer. You get me into it, and then it’d over but I want more!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol. I’ll make them longer if that’s better 😉. Yeah I should definitely get some toys and have some fun. It’s just hard you know. Not sure what triggered my mania but I just know I need to take care of it. Hopefully I’ll be good this time. Thanks for the comment 👍


  2. Hi Jess, who wouldn’t turn to ANYTHING for help to process what’s happened????

    You’ve expended so much energy keeping going, your body is craving chemicals and physical to give you back what you have given out. Your mind, it been overloaded beyond belief. Someone with the best of physical and mental health couldn’t have done any better than you have.

    Weed and Alcohol, please give that some thought as to how that’s affecting you. Short term gain, long term pain. And, we are all scared that it MIGHT put you in a mental place where it would be too easy to reach out for Mark again. After seeing how much that hurt you, please do all you can to make sure that isn’t a place your mind takes you. Looking after yourself, being horny, dang that’s difficult to control. Difficult because even pleasing yourself doesn’t give you the physical touch your body craves. Sorry if I am making it worse, I can only speak from experience. Sometimes I beg for situations to come along which would allow me to go down the road of sex sex and more sex. But a month from now I will be glad I didn’t. Oh, how it oscillates.

    Do what you can to keep yourself safe. It might take every tool you have, interpret a few ways, but keep yourself safe because there is so much at stake here. Paul needs you, hubby needs you, (sometimes we are loved, just not in the ways we want ) heck, dare I say your dad needs you.

    Life, it has you from the proverbial hairs. But it hasn’t beaten you. Routine, sex, sleep, eat and medication. Wake up and start again. I’m looking at your posts now, they go back to October 2015. Look at what you have beaten to date. I hate being told near everything I have written when my therapist talks to me, but she is right, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for,

    I look forward to your next post, mostly because it means you are still with us. We want to know how your brother is too.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Blotter thank you so very much. Both your comments have been super detailed and uplifting. It makes me think you guys care so much about me. I’m so thankful for having followers like you who comment such nice comments. Makes me feel like I have the strength to succeed. And your right. This fight has been going on for almost 5 years and I’m still breathing. What a miracle for all intents and purposes. I’ll keep my chin up. I’ve been really into meditation and eating local and organic so hopefully that helps me. We’ll see I guess.


  3. I was on so many meds I pared it down to just 3 and I am having some hypomania. Thanks to menopause I am not hypersexual but I;ve not ruled it out, I am bored AF.

    I get scared feeling too happy, it usually means bad manic things will happen and of course, rather than see it as a symptom of my bipolar, people make it about my character. I assure you, my character has zero desire to hang out with men who treat me like crap and buy shit I don’t need but that is what often happens. Which is why I am so kidcrentric and mompower, trying to keep myself in check lest my character be further assasinated for simply having a disorder.

    I am glad your brother is on the mend.

    Hang in there, Jess, we both know the drill.

    My kingdom for a bloody happy medium, though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Morgue!!! I was wondering where you went!!! Did you delete your site?!?! It’s so good to hear from you. You always have the right words to say. Sorry you have been bored. It’s a tough time we’re in. Keep your chin up and let me know where I can find you!!!


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