It’s 5:30 a.m. and I can’t sleep. The last 24 hours have been taking a toll on my sanity. For some reason Paul had to be put back in the ICU because he aspirated and now as long as they’re filling with liquid and he needs to be on put on a ventilator. Unfortunately for my dad that seemed to hit him really hard and he proceeded to call the doctors and yell at them blaming them for what’s going on with his son. Now I don’t understand because I’m not a parent but what I do understand is that during this time of the Corona virus we need to stick together. The healthcare workers are doing their absolute best right now. They are overwhelmed and understaffed and unfortunately for my brother Paul it just makes him less of a priority even though he is getting the best care that he is supposed to be getting. But what I don’t agree with is yelling and cursing at our frontline workers. They already have enough on their plates and they seem to be struggling with enough bullshitabout to yell at them and call them out for their inadequacies right now in this time seems very inappropriate. I told my dad to stop. I wasn’t comfortable with the way he was reacting and I disagreed with him on the way he was handling the situation. So I told him please stop this is an appropriate and I don’t want you yelling at the staff. He basically comes back with you don’t understand you’re not a parent you can’t understand don’t talk to me until you’ve had kids. I said stop looking at the data we’re collecting on John and making decisions for doctors. You don’t understand the kind of care he needs and you’re stressing me out with your overreactions. My dad responded My son is my priority not you. I said Dad why can’t you understand that you don’t listen to me when I talk to you. If I feel hurt because you basically just push me aside and to tell me that you don’t care about my problems hurts more than anything and I’m so angry with you. My dad responds with basically saying be angry with me I don’t give a fuck.
I couldcare less about you or your problems.
I was so hurt when he said that. It was like a dagger to my heart. What kind of parent talks like that to their kid? I was only trying to help and trying to stand up for people who can’t stand up for themselves. Well I realize that I don’t really care about him either. If he’s going to treat me like that then he doesn’t need to be part of my life. I’m not speaking to my father right now.
Everyone of my friends that I’ve talked to about what he actually said have told me that no parent should ever talk to their kid like that. Parents have told me that he shouldn’t have said ortor acted like that.
My father has always been a man that’s been hard to talk to I’ve been constantly afraid of him my whole life and the trauma and abuse that I got from him growing up only adds to the problem. I’ve suffered a lot of verbal abuse under him. Whenever he got angry about anything he’d always take it out on me. Make fun or me and embarrass me in public. Call me a failure when I didn’t get an A on my tests in elementary school. Stuff like that.
So the situation isn’t new. He’s just a cold mean man who is acts like a child whenever he doesn’t get his way. And when anybody tries to disagree with him on anything he pushes back. I can understand him being upset I can understand him being afraid being angry that’s fine I just wanted him to stop yelling at the doctors and nurses. I was just trying to help. He didn’t have to tell me he didn’t care about me or my problems. I’ve been waiting for an apology and I still haven’t gotten one. I’m so hurt I’m so fucking hurt that he would fucking talk to me like that. I had to stop my husband from driving over to his place and beating the shit out of him.
So here I am. Hurt and confused. I want a goddamn apology but I don’t think I’m going to get one. I never did before. He basically just texted me later on and said don’t be so butthurt and let’s move past it. Like he always does. When he hurts me he gives a half-ass apology and says I’m over it why shouldn’t you be?
Fuck him. I hope he gets COVID-19.