Burning Flesh

Hot burning tears pouring down my face. I’m in a sec chat. Guy tells me I’m gorgeous. He wants me. I can feel his inclination. He wants me. I’m unsatisfied. I’m a criminal. A worthless inmate that walks the streets. Shattered soul clinging to the pleasure. I feel terrible. I cheat, I cheat. I can’t stop. It hurts to stop. It hurts to continue

I feel awful. My husband tells me I hurt him. My best friend won’t talk to me. It’s a mess. It’s a mess. I cling to the feeling that saturates

It heals my guilt. It numbs my pain. I’m a savage woman. Feasting on the flesh of sex and pleasure. I can’t stop. They tell me I’m the bad guy

They say I destroy.

What can I do? What can I say? It hurts to.stop. it hurts to stay silent.

Can’t you see I’m dying?!?! Can’t you see I’m tripping and ripping my skin apart?

I can’t stop. I feast on the insecurities. I divulge the damned. They need me to fulfill their pleasure.

Satan, take me and my heart. They tell me I cannot love. They tell me I’m a monster. Listen to the words. They dont understand me.

Help me God. Buddha. Vishnu. Gaia. I’m in pain. I cannot stop. I’m. Doomed.

Help me God. My flesh will be my downfall.

3 thoughts on “Burning Flesh

  1. Are you taking your meds? That’s the only thing that can save you. Go see your/a psychiatrist and tell them everything and take the meds they prescribe. PLEASE! Your life depends on it. Love you very much.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I get your dilemma, i feel this way sometimes. I think many married people bipolar or not, sometimes feel this way. Half of you wants to give in and go sexually nuts with no limits, and the other half keeps you grounded and safe from doing it. Its ok to fantasize, we all do. Part of being human. Just don’t act on it, our continence is there for a reason. Remember God (or insert any deity you believe in here) loves you and wants the best for you and all of us. Stay morally strong, for yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I too have cheated in my marriage. It was over a 2 year period, which stopped 6 years ago. With 4 different women, 2 were half my age. But one in particular I had a real relationship with. Do I still fantasize about the freaky sex, dirty talk about getting her pregnant, her breasts in my mouth, the emotional connection we had? Of course I do. But i too ended it like you did with Mark. And it was the right choice. For me, and maybe you too, it was because I didn’t have a bunch of sexual escapades / relationships / one night stands like most people seem to have had when younger. I didn’t loose my virginity till I was 22. I only had 1 gf before my wife, and I think that’s what drove me to cheat. It’s been 6 years and I’ve been good although I have moments of weakness where I browse dating websites or flirt with a woman at work, but I don’t act in it. I’ve heard the secret to life is to enjoy what you have, even if you’re not enjoying. Makes sense to me, I do have things to be thankful for. Also I don’t want to hurt my wife or end our marriage, ruin my life so I resist the urge. But sometimes it’s so hard to resist, I just hope I can continue. I think I can. I want to. Maybe you can too, you’re not alone in the struggle.

    Liked by 1 person

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