Too Close To The Sun




Hello. Hello. Hello! It’s your old pal Jess. Yikes. I fell into a deep depression. You know what they say, “What goes up must come down.” Well guess who flew too close to the sun with her mania?!?!!? I did.

So what happened? Well nothing. I ended up chatting with some guys…oh…and I contacted Mark. Did I mention that? Fuck me we spent the entire time arguing back and forth and never met up. Oh well. He got kinda angry that I ditched him for a few years. He still doesn’t understand that I’m not his to play around with. What an ass. I do feel bad for contacting him and disturbing his peace but at the same time he gets so demanding with me like we’re together or something. I’m done with him. I know I’ve said that before but the magic or whatever, the spark, is gone and I just don’t have the energy anymore. It sounds like a breakup but I don’t know what else to call it.

Anyways, after that I started to dip in my emotions, I hit a severe depression. I lost ALL motivation. I couldn’t get out of bed. I was suicidal. I had no drive or anything to go on anymore. I felt like that was it. So I called up my local hospital and talked to the ECT department head and got back on that train.

Now I feel great. I’ve had about 8 sessions since last month and I’m back baby! I know I shouldn’t disappear on you guys like I did. I kinda left at a cliffhanger. I shouldn’t do that. Sorry. I’ll try to be more consistent. Thank you to everyone who keeps reading and sharing and commenting. I really appreciate your support.

I have some cool good news…I’m starting a podcast!!! So now if you’re curious as to what I sound like, you’ll get a chance to hear me.

So I need some help, can you guys comment on what topics you want me to cover on my podcast? I have some ideas right now but I want some opinions. Let me know. Thanks.

This is gonna be big. I’m super excited! I want to try and reach a broader audience. Also, I think talking vs typing will be slightly easier. Maybe. The editing is gonna be harder. Oh well.

That’s about it. Please leave a comment about what you want to hear.


3 thoughts on “Too Close To The Sun

  1. Hi Jess,

    So glad your feeling strong enough to jump back on your blog!! Yes, its been a while, kind of scary with Covid not knowing what had happened, especially given your last posting. You weren’t doing too well.

    Can I say, Im so glad to hear Mark is out of the picture. I’ll reserve my opinion offer than to say a gentleman doesnt use or take advantage of any woman in a vulnerable state. He doesn’t deserve you. Not just that, but with a bit of stability, you can enjoy your family best you can. No it’s not the same as the carefree mania, but it’s safe. If there is one thing you need, it’s safe. Just my opinion.

    As far as a podcast – fantastic!! So, topics I’d love to hear you talk about:

    * What are your tell-tale signs of mania starting?
    * What are the tools you use to try and bring it under control?
    * How safe and what side effects have you had from the ECT?
    * Can you describe what it feels like hrs and days afterwards?
    * What keeps you fighting?

    I know that’s a few.

    Take care of yourself best you can.


    Liked by 1 person

  2. First time reading your posts and I have to say,…I’ve never read something more real and relatable. I too struggle with similar issues, so I’d love to hear about the following…

    1. Manic love vs. “Reality” love – ways to distinguish the two during a mania
    2. Tips on trying to avoid the need for male attention (it feels like a drug sometimes!)
    3. How to tell your partner what’s going on inside your head?

    Probably have more. Kept a lot of this shit bottled in my head for some time haha. Will comment if I think of any others. Lol


    Liked by 1 person

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