When I Get That Feeling…




Hello everyone. So happy you are here to join me on another exciting update. If you have been listening to my podcast, the Bipolar Compass Cast (available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Spreaker, Deezer, iHeartRadio, etc.), you know I’ve been struggling lately with some depression and ECT issues. If not, please go ahead and check it out.

I’ll wait…

Done? Good. Ok we’re on the same God damn page now. So yeah, the depression is gone and I’m back to my old self. Man there have been some personal things going on in my life. Don’t worry, I’ll let you guys know. I only talk about personal stuff on my blog.

So lately me and my husband have been fighting. We fight primarily over sex. I’m not happy with the current situation. My husband doesn’t satisfy me in bed. And I feel kinda trapped. I don’t want to leave him because of just the sex. That’s ridiculous. He’s the love of my life. I love him to death. But I want something more. As you guys know we tried to do the whole marriage counseling (we tried 3 different marriage therapists!) and we tried spicing things up in the bedroom. Toys, lube, etc. nothing seems to be working. I just want someone new. The kinda sex I had with Mark was AMAZING! I wish my husband could be that aggressive. But alas, we tried and he isn’t.

So we had a long discussion. We talked about divorce. We talked about separation. We talked about love and having kids. We talked about everything. And the conclusion we came to was to have an open relationship.

Now I know what you’re thinking, “Jess how dare you force your monogamous husband to give in to something he doesn’t want to do!! You’re a witch! Fuck you!”

Calm down.

It’s not like that.

HE actually suggested it. HE said we might as well try it. It was my HUSBAND’S IDEA!!! I didn’t even mention it at all the entire discussion.

Now I don’t think I’m manic or anything. I might be a little hypomanic but that’s not too bad. I’m sleeping during the night. I’m not hyper or on top of the world for that matter. I’m just kinda stable. So why am I feeling like this?

I honestly have no idea. But I miss good sex guys. I’m being raw and honest here! This is just something I really really miss. And this isn’t new. I’ve been feeling like this for YEARS. I just was too afraid to say anything about it.

Have you ever felt that way? The situation that I’m in? What did you do?

So I’ve been chatting with some guys on Tinder and flirting and it’s been really fun. I do get ghosted every once in awhile but it’s not the worst thing in the world. I’m having fun.

Now I haven’t actually gone out and done anything yet. I’m still adjusting to my newfound freedoms. It’s hard. I do still feel really guilty. But if this is something I need then I need to just put that part of my mind aside. I don’t know guys. This is just what’s been going on. Hopefully you guys don’t think badly of me.

At least I’m not chatting with Mark anymore!!! That’s a plus. Be proud of me for that.

I guess we’ll see how this goes now won’t we?

21 thoughts on “When I Get That Feeling…

  1. More power to you and hubby. I personally think monogamy is unrealistic and too much pressure. So many otherwise ideal relationships are ruined because of differing sexual appetites/needs. Polyamory looks pretty good to mem cos I get bored easily. And ya know, the mood swing thing, I could use a sweet guy and an aggressive guy and probably a third one just to counsel the other two for putting up with me….

    Not making light, totally serious. Whatever works for you is your business. Have fun with it and good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m a husband who was in precisely the same situation and I suggested it because my wife simply could not be faithful. As all caregivers do, we try to figure out solutions. It was a disaster!!! If your husband can’t satisfy your bi polar induced hyper sexuality, you should let him go or he should leave immediately. It will never work. He’s not the love of your life. That’s just what you say. If you don’t love him enough to be faithful and thoughtful about his feelings, you should not be married.


  2. This is the situation to the exact T I am in with my BP2 wife. She gets very hypersexual and our sex life has always been an issue mainly because I’m a lil too big for her and i hurt her and she can’t get comfy and enjoy sex with me the way she wants. It’s frustrating for us both and i would never want to doom her to a life of sexual unsatisfaction so i completely understand ur hubbies view as i have the same.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I was relieved to see your article since it’s exactly the situation in my marriage. Problem is she has found her Mark and it has affected us greatly to the point I am staying elsewhere and we are in that weird limbo space. She doesn’t want anything to do with me sexually which hurts but i know she loves me and doesn’t want to lose me completely. I go back and forth between moving on or waiting this thing out. Problem is this guy wants her exclusively and the sex is really clouding her judgement right now as he is not a good guy. I could really use your advice since it seems you have been through this.


    1. If you honestly can’t handle the openness then I suggest talking to your wife about it. It sucks that you two aren’t sexually compatible. Maybe there is a couple’s therapist you both could see to try and work out your marriage. She needs to dump this other guy. He is trying.to tear your guy’s marriage apart.


      1. Thanks, for the feedback. Im ok with the openness, i’m just struggling with the 180 she has done on me and our marriage for this douche. She keeps saying he is awful and crazier than her and he is slowly hanging himself, yet she can’t seem to severe ties…i guess sex can keep you in the fold even if u are a loser. Thanks again

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I say just get a divorce, why beat around the bush with an open relationship? Your husband can then find someone who will love him romantically (not just like a friend) and be faithful to him, and you can finally be totally free to indulge in the hottest sex of your life with multiple men guilt-free (force the men to always wear a condom and you always be on contraception). Don’t put your husband through the pain of an open relationship . Doesn’t matter if it was his idea, he loves you and just wants to make you happy even at his expense. Just rip the bandaid off, don’t sloooowly peel it off. Divorce is the answer. You’ll be doing your husband a big favor even if he can’t see it (yet).


  5. Please don’t feel guilty I didn’t mean for my comment to make you feel that way. You two just seem very different sexually and that’s a very big part of who you are. Better to divorce and both of you find someone more compatible in that regard, rather than open up the marriage to multiple partners and hurt feelings.


    1. Thank you for clarifying your comment. It did hurt. I just don’t think divorcing over sexual incompatibility is worth it. Me and my husband have spent almost two decades building and forming our relationship. We love each other so much. It’s overwhelming to even think about divorce. I just don’t see it as the way to go.


      1. As delicate as this subject is everyone who has come forward to offer their insight to you has done so for your benefit. Many speaking from experience. You alone must determine what is most important to you.


      2. What’s most important to me is preserving my marriage. My husband and I are life partners and high school sweethearts. We belong together. I’ll do anything I can to make sure we make it to old age together.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Aww I’m so sorry my comment hurt, I didn’t mean for it to. As another poster said at the end of the day it’s what works for you both, it’s your marriage not anybody else’s. Please look out for your hubby, as he may say one thing but feel another.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Regarding ECT, it could possibly be the worst treatment option offered for depression. I had multiple sessions. Along with them came ptsd, NO relief from depression, severe amnesia and horrific flashbacks. I would warn anyone thinking about it to think about it long and hard. You’ll be missing patches of your life memories around the times of treatment.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You like songs so may I offer Set Me Free by The Chicks. I have listened to it over and over. My wife and I are also life partners and she has just recently seen a psychiatrist who is treating her as if she is bipolar even though she is terrified of being diagnosed. In October of this year, in a “high state”, she had an affair after she told me a story about a gay couple who have an occasional 3rd person to which I casually replied “if you need that just don’t tell me.” I am not a jealous man because I love my wife so much if she found someone that would make her happier I would let her go to love someone else. In her manic state she just thought I gave her a “pass” to have an affair or even two husbands. NO NO NO. Please love your husband enough to either figure out how to bring eroticism into your marriage so you are satisfied or let him go. I can tell you that the pain I felt from my wife’s affair was so deep I stayed drunk for a week drinking every waking hour (before that I only drank maybe once a month). He has been courageous to have forgiven you for Mark. Love your husband enough to resist an affair or to let him go. The pain is exhausting and I fear you will destroy the love of your life even if going outside y’alls marriage was his idea because he loves you that much.


  8. I feel the same way. My husband is completely unaware of what happening with me and how I feel. 20 years in marriage, 3 kids. I’ve been diagnosed only 2 years ago. I feel I betray him every time I have my maniac episodes. I can’t tell him bcs I don’t see how he can help me. And on the other hand I’m afraid he deserves to know that I can’t be faithful to him. I’m so lost. I don’t understand which feelings are real. Honestly… I’m so hopeless, I see there’s no help at all. I love my husband more than my life. I want to die bcs there’s no way out.


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