Hello everyone. So happy you are here to join me on another exciting update. If you have been listening to my podcast, the Bipolar Compass Cast (available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Spreaker, Deezer, iHeartRadio, etc.), you know I’ve been struggling lately with some depression and ECT issues. If not, please go ahead and check it out.
Done? Good. Ok we’re on the same God damn page now. So yeah, the depression is gone and I’m back to my old self. Man there have been some personal things going on in my life. Don’t worry, I’ll let you guys know. I only talk about personal stuff on my blog.
So lately me and my husband have been fighting. We fight primarily over sex. I’m not happy with the current situation. My husband doesn’t satisfy me in bed. And I feel kinda trapped. I don’t want to leave him because of just the sex. That’s ridiculous. He’s the love of my life. I love him to death. But I want something more. As you guys know we tried to do the whole marriage counseling (we tried 3 different marriage therapists!) and we tried spicing things up in the bedroom. Toys, lube, etc. nothing seems to be working. I just want someone new. The kinda sex I had with Mark was AMAZING! I wish my husband could be that aggressive. But alas, we tried and he isn’t.
So we had a long discussion. We talked about divorce. We talked about separation. We talked about love and having kids. We talked about everything. And the conclusion we came to was to have an open relationship.
Now I know what you’re thinking, “Jess how dare you force your monogamous husband to give in to something he doesn’t want to do!! You’re a witch! Fuck you!”
It’s not like that.
HE actually suggested it. HE said we might as well try it. It was my HUSBAND’S IDEA!!! I didn’t even mention it at all the entire discussion.
Now I don’t think I’m manic or anything. I might be a little hypomanic but that’s not too bad. I’m sleeping during the night. I’m not hyper or on top of the world for that matter. I’m just kinda stable. So why am I feeling like this?
I honestly have no idea. But I miss good sex guys. I’m being raw and honest here! This is just something I really really miss. And this isn’t new. I’ve been feeling like this for YEARS. I just was too afraid to say anything about it.
Have you ever felt that way? The situation that I’m in? What did you do?
So I’ve been chatting with some guys on Tinder and flirting and it’s been really fun. I do get ghosted every once in awhile but it’s not the worst thing in the world. I’m having fun.
Now I haven’t actually gone out and done anything yet. I’m still adjusting to my newfound freedoms. It’s hard. I do still feel really guilty. But if this is something I need then I need to just put that part of my mind aside. I don’t know guys. This is just what’s been going on. Hopefully you guys don’t think badly of me.
At least I’m not chatting with Mark anymore!!! That’s a plus. Be proud of me for that.
I guess we’ll see how this goes now won’t we?